I read a really shallow article today about finding the right mate, or knowing when a girl is the girl you should marry. I despise articles like these, because while they seem to mean well and they often have some nugget of truth and wisdom to them, they usually oversimplify and impose their values or some silly set of rules on the masses. I prefer to think for myself and the older I get, the more I prefer to follow my own set of values.
Here's the article, if you'd like to read it for reference:
Should You Marry Her?
As I mentioned, the article does point out some helpful standards one might value, such as she has her own hobbies and allows you to have yours, or she sometimes disagrees with you because she also has a mind of her own, and she has some ambition, to name a few. However, not every man has the same set of values or the same list of qualities he'd like in a mate. Just as not every woman does. We all have within ourselves the wisdom to formulate our own list based upon our own values, boundaries and standards. It is important that we go through that process ourselves instead of having a staff writer for MSN Lifestyle tell us what the list should look like.
The other bone I have to pick with the article is that it is very "me" centered. It focuses on what the woman has to offer to the man. It doesn't take into account compatibilities or give and take. There are two dangers in this approach, in my opinion. First, a guy who might read this and actually think it's the gold standard in evaluating whether he should marry his girl might actually think that only his interests and needs and time and wallet matter. The author tries to hint that a woman who pays at least sometimes could be a good indication that she'll be reciprocal in other ways in the relationship. However, there is no mention of the ways in which both parties can reciprocate, outside of the financial realm, and there is no mention of the ways she may already reciprocate financially even if she didn't buy dinner out. Second, what really scares me about articles like these are the women out there who may read it and then think they have to mold themselves to these rules or they'll never win the prize.
I have news for you, sweetie, you are the prize. The right guy will see that and appreciate you for who you are. You can start the process of attracting a man who will appreciate who you are by appreciating yourself, loving yourself, and respecting yourself. You can also make your own list of qualities and traits that you find valuable in a mate, and set your intention to attract someone into your life who appreciates you and has those qualities. Finally, what's good for the goose is good for the gander, so practice being what you want to attract. If you want someone who is kind, gentle, loving, intelligent, responsible, well groomed, etc., then be all of those things yourself. Like attracts like and you get what you want by giving it to someone else.
I am all about resources that help you ask yourself the powerful questions that lead you to the right choices in life. When a list just blankly tells you what you should value and whether a girl is a keeper, you should keep looking inside yourself, because the answer isn't on someone else's list. It's on your list, and that list may still be inside you, but it's there. You have to cultivate it.
We are all perfect for someone, and probably more than just one someone. Keep being the best you that you can be and that special someone will find you. If the person isn't right for you, you know it and just say "next!"
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