cusp

Wordle Creations

2009-04-11T09:20:00.002-05:00

One of my coaching friends introduced me to Wordle.net. If you go there, you can create one of these very neat word images about any topic or a jumble of topics. I scooped up text from my coaching website here:

And this one is from my "about you" page on my site. I think I can do better than this:

And this is kind of neat. It's the "about me" page on my site. What a way to create a collage about yourself and see where you could do less of something or more of it, or at least mention it less or more:

And I really like this one. It's from my last post on the power of kissing. How juicy is this?

I could play all day with that. Try it. Have fun. Oh, and I'm supposed to credit www.wordle.net with those images created from my content. :)

A Kiss Is Still a Kiss...Or Is It More?

2009-04-03T11:58:00.006-05:00

Ok, I watched Oprah today. There, I said it. I've been watching a little as I drink my morning coffee and write because I'm home.

Today's show was good...very good. It was about what turns women on, what's in our attraction factor, what makes us tick sexually, what's in the O for us. There were experts, actual Ph.D.s, who did scientific studies, some were men and some were women, and they discussed the biology behind passion, attraction, mate selection, keeping attraction and passion alive, and really what gets women hot. I love this topic because who doesn't love getting hot for the one they love?

As I watched the show, I kept thinking, "OMG, that's what I have been trying to communicate and that's what I've wanted, and they are saying it out loud!" It was so validating. If you're a guy, watch that episode, even if you despise Oprah or daytime talk shows geared toward women. This one is priceless.

It's so simple.

The first lesson: Women are most turned on when they are desired. Bingo! "Women want to know that you want to have sex with THEM. They know you desire sex, but when you let them know you desire sex with THEM, that takes them over the edge. That's the O." The fact is that women want sex too, but what takes ordinary sex to mind blowing sex for women is when her man pursues her, wants her, and makes that very clear...you know what I mean? It's a guaranteed O. I swear it, fellas. You show us how much you want us, we'll reciprocate your socks off and thank you for it after.

The second lesson: Kiss your lady at least once every single day, deeply, for at least 10 seconds straight. Not the kind of kiss you give your mother...save those for your Aunt Louise. No, the kind of kiss that involves your saliva. You know the kind of kiss I'm talking about. The one that leads to other things...and why does it lead to other things? Did you know that when you kiss your woman deeply, your saliva contains testosterone that is transferred into her bloodstream via her mouth, and it increases her libido? If you think your lover isn't feeling it as often as you'd like her to, or if you would like her to be a little more interactive in the process...a little more into you...a little more adventurous, try planting a good one on her for ten long seconds or more and see what that does for you? I bet she finds that the mood strikes her a little more easily, and then she'll be more likely to give you what you need and want. In fact, do that once a day for a while and see if it doesn't transform your "routine." What have you got to lose?

There was more to the show. They talked about biological attraction by scent and saliva and how birth control pills can affect a woman's ability to choose the right mate for reproduction purposes, etc, but these are the things that really concerned heating up your love life if you already found the one.

I got to thinking how might this all relate to the law of attraction. Hmmm...

If you are a man and you want your lady to have more enthusiasm about getting under the covers with you and pleasing you and telling you what a wonderful lover you are and how much she wants you, the law of attraction says you get back what you are putting out to the Universe. You will get what you can give to someone else. So...if you can show your sweetheart just how much you desire her by pursuing her and kissing her passionately, you just might attract into your relationship a more passionate, engaging, eager to please you and more easily pleased partner...the one you already have lying right next to you.

If you are a woman and you would like a little of this in your direction from the man you love, it's ok to ask him to kiss you. The Universe responds when you ask for what you want. Ask and it is given, right? Start out with that. Ask him if he'll kiss you every day. How could he say no to the woman he loves? See what that does for you and for him.

A kiss is much more than a kiss. It's the opening of a whole new world of passion and exploration for your love life. Explore with the object of your affection and let me know if Oprah's show was right.

How Do You Know If She's "The One?"

2009-04-01T18:33:00.005-05:00

I read a really shallow article today about finding the right mate, or knowing when a girl is the girl you should marry. I despise articles like these, because while they seem to mean well and they often have some nugget of truth and wisdom to them, they usually oversimplify and impose their values or some silly set of rules on the masses. I prefer to think for myself and the older I get, the more I prefer to follow my own set of values.

Here's the article, if you'd like to read it for reference:

Should You Marry Her?

As I mentioned, the article does point out some helpful standards one might value, such as she has her own hobbies and allows you to have yours, or she sometimes disagrees with you because she also has a mind of her own, and she has some ambition, to name a few. However, not every man has the same set of values or the same list of qualities he'd like in a mate. Just as not every woman does. We all have within ourselves the wisdom to formulate our own list based upon our own values, boundaries and standards. It is important that we go through that process ourselves instead of having a staff writer for MSN Lifestyle tell us what the list should look like.

The other bone I have to pick with the article is that it is very "me" centered. It focuses on what the woman has to offer to the man. It doesn't take into account compatibilities or give and take. There are two dangers in this approach, in my opinion. First, a guy who might read this and actually think it's the gold standard in evaluating whether he should marry his girl might actually think that only his interests and needs and time and wallet matter. The author tries to hint that a woman who pays at least sometimes could be a good indication that she'll be reciprocal in other ways in the relationship. However, there is no mention of the ways in which both parties can reciprocate, outside of the financial realm, and there is no mention of the ways she may already reciprocate financially even if she didn't buy dinner out. Second, what really scares me about articles like these are the women out there who may read it and then think they have to mold themselves to these rules or they'll never win the prize.

I have news for you, sweetie, you are the prize. The right guy will see that and appreciate you for who you are. You can start the process of attracting a man who will appreciate who you are by appreciating yourself, loving yourself, and respecting yourself. You can also make your own list of qualities and traits that you find valuable in a mate, and set your intention to attract someone into your life who appreciates you and has those qualities. Finally, what's good for the goose is good for the gander, so practice being what you want to attract. If you want someone who is kind, gentle, loving, intelligent, responsible, well groomed, etc., then be all of those things yourself. Like attracts like and you get what you want by giving it to someone else.

I am all about resources that help you ask yourself the powerful questions that lead you to the right choices in life. When a list just blankly tells you what you should value and whether a girl is a keeper, you should keep looking inside yourself, because the answer isn't on someone else's list. It's on your list, and that list may still be inside you, but it's there. You have to cultivate it.

We are all perfect for someone, and probably more than just one someone. Keep being the best you that you can be and that special someone will find you. If the person isn't right for you, you know it and just say "next!"

Getting in Touch with the Pure At Heart

2009-03-20T19:24:00.005-05:00

Being around a small child can really open your eyes to how significant every little thing is in the world. They notice everything. They are little sponges, and they copy everything you do. My niece, Stella, is just under 11 months old and she spent some time with me at my house today. While the video might seem boring to some, watch how excited she is when my dogs move and how fast she can repeat things when I make noises that she can copy.

I also noticed today, aside from this little video, that when she's happy, she's really happy. When she is uncomfortable, she makes no bones about letting you know, but the minute it's all better, she's forgotten about it and she's really happy again. Boy, how we adults could learn from that.

Try hanging out with a little person and see if it doesn't change your perspective on things a little bit. You'll pay attention to your surroundings more because they'll point everything out to you as if they're seeing it for the first time...because they are. They'll crack you up in ways you have never laughed, and when they cry, you'll do anything to make it go away and bring their little smile back as fast as you can.

I have to say, too, that I had a little worry in the back of my mind about whether my dogs would be good around a baby. I knew it'd be fine, but you just worry. My Luther is always a lovebug, sometimes a little too much of a lovebug. True to form, he tried to love Stella so much that while it was sweet 95% of the time, he did knock her over trying to snuggle her once. He doesn't realize he's so big. :) Laney was the real worry for me. She's a Cattle Dog and they're a little offstandish at times, and really a one-person dog. However, Laney's maternal instinct kicked in full force and wow did she become a protective mama to Stella. She didn't leave Stella's side at all, not once. Even after the baby went home, Laney went from room to room trying to find her. I even got some good shots of Laney (very hard to do because she isn't friendly to the camera) when she was protecting Stella. I guess even dogs know that little ones are pure at heart.

Amping Up My Vibration In My Slice of Nature

2009-03-17T18:26:00.004-05:00

We had a record 74 degree day today in SE Wisconsin. The past 7 St. Paddy's Days have been 35 degrees, and 3 of the 7 were snow days. Needless to say, we Cheeseheads were not only drunk (not me), but happy to see the sun. The bars opened at 6 and they said on the news that people sat outside and drank all day. Good for them!

I, on the other hand, used the day to clean up my backyard for spring. I raked the flower beds and lawn so that all that is spring and green can peek through easily and breathe, and so that it can see the sun too. I can already see things coming up. I cleaned my patio furniture and set it up nicely, and arranged my annual pots and lanterns around the patio. I cleared away any leaves, garbage and sticks that were cluttering up the yard. I even put my umbrella and seat cushions out for that relaxing feeling of my outdoor "room." While I was cleaning my market umbrella, a bee chased me.

The dogs lazed around the yard, following me as I picked up after them, raked and set the yardscape up. I tossed the frisbee for Luther and threw Laney's basketball all day long. They're wiped and currently passed out on the floor, drooling.

I visited my mom and my niece while my mom cleaned up her yard, because I wanted to say hi and my mom had some artisan cheese and a rake for me to use.

Getting back in touch with my yard, the garden, the soil, seeing the green buds under all the debris I raked away, and feeling the wind blow my hair around without caring what it looked like hiked up my vibration quite a bit. Yesterday was a day of panic, wondering when I'll land my new job and doing the math on bills and unemployment checks. Today I did the labor of love that is connecting with nature and cleaning up my piece of it. The law of fair exchange will ensure that the Universe compensates me for my contribution, and I bet I'll sleep well tonight, even if I don't have a single drink on St. Paddy's Day.

When was the last time you connected with nature? What is your favorite way to do so? I invite you to pay attention to how it makes you feel when you spend an entire day doing nothing but appreciating the wind, the sun, the plants that surround you, bumble bees and lady bugs and beetles, and what the soil smells like. None of those energies or living things is worried about where their next paycheck is coming from. They know they will be provided for, and they take inspired action to ensure it, doing what is instinctive in them. Does nature inspire you to do what is "second nature" for you?

Video Vision Board - a'la Mel Brooks

2009-03-16T21:34:00.003-05:00

I had to apply for unemployment compensation last week, and I'm awaiting the payments to kick in, so it's like I'm standing in this long line. I want it to go exactly the way that it goes for Mel Brooks in "The History of the World". Saved by the bell with the best gig of all.

Ordering the Right Job

2009-03-11T20:55:00.005-05:00

Whenever we're not quite sure exactly what we want, we tend to give the Universe mixed signals, and we give ourselves and everyone around us mixed signals. As a result, we attract mixed results that often don't match up with what we truly want. This is true in all aspects of life, whether we're looking for the right mate, the right job, the right house, the right friends, or whatever it is we seek to bring into our lives.

I am going to lay forth the tools to attract the perfect job, because Lord knows in this economy, we can all use advice on landing a good job.

It's really quite simple. It's like placing an order with a waiter for dinner, only you will need to place an order with the Universe. When you order in a restaurant, you look at a menu and decide what you want, and sometimes you even tweak it a little to meet your dietary needs or special taste. It is the same idea when you are trying to attract a new and perfect job into your life.

First you need to get very clear about what you want. What kind of job do you want? What kind of people will you work with? What kind of space and environment, etc.? What types of skills will you use? For many people, it's hard to answer those questions. It's difficult to know what you like or don't like just thinking off the top of your head onto a blank piece of paper.

What seems to work very well is to get out a piece of paper and make a list of all the things you have really enjoyed doing in your past job experiences. Then add to that list anything you think you would enjoy that you may not have already experienced in your past positions. Then, on a separate piece of paper, write down all the things you disliked about your past jobs. Be complete. When you've finished that task, take all of your negatives and turn them into positives.

For example, if you worked within a strong boys club environment and you felt you couldn't advance or be accepted because you are a woman, turn that around: I work in a diverse and open environment where men and women are equally respected for the qualities they bring to the table. I fit in very well within the group and have enjoyed rewards due to my efforts. I see advancement in my future. See how it's done? Now, transfer the positive you just created to your order form...the first page that you wrote all the things you liked about your jobs on.

When you are finished, read through your list and see that you still agree with all the things on the list and want your new job to have those qualities and aspects to it. Add anything you may have left out.

You now have a complete "order". You can confirm your order and make it a daily affirmation. Read it once a day and allow yourself to envision working in a job like that OR BETTER. Always imagine what you want OR BETTER. You never know if the Universe has something better than you imagined in mind for you. Often it does.

Now, allow yourself some free time to practice extreme self-care and to envision your celebration when you get the job offer. How will it feel to have your job?

Break a leg!

P.S. I know this works. I've used it for other aspects of my life, and the U delivered better than I wished for. Try it!

Time for a New Job?

2009-03-11T20:34:00.002-05:00

My sister loves this ad from the Superbowl this year. In this economy, it may be a good idea to hang on to any job security you have, but for some of us, it may be time...

A Monty Python Job Interview

2009-03-11T19:53:00.006-05:00

Reflections During Lent

2009-03-06T09:42:00.007-06:00

I'm not Catholic, but my father was raised Catholic and SP is Catholic. Many of my friends are Catholic and I went to law school in the most Catholic city in the U.S., New Orleans, Louisiana. To qualify as a cook in Louisiana, folks there ask you, "Who's your mama, is she Catholic and can she make a roux?" :) Even if you're not Catholic, the lessons from the Lenten season can apply to your life. It's a time to repent, to spring clean your life, to renew your commitment to your faith and to get back to the basics.

My great-grandmother was a Vatican I Catholic. She would be 100 this year, but she passed away at just shy of 93. She fasted through Lent, not just on Fridays. She conserved energy during Lent, by leaving the car in the garage and walking, and she read by candlelight. She read Bible verses and reflected on what they meant in her life and how she could better utilize the tools God had given to her to lead a more successful and love-filled life. She did more than choose a superficial and temporary sacrifice of chocolate or Scotch to cleanse her spirit during Lent, and she used that time to ask God for what she wanted to accomplish in the coming year.

Lent, by the way, is also celebrated by non-Catholic Christians, but it is not observed with the same rituals. The Lenten season spans 40 days because it represents the preparation period before Easter; it is symbolic of when Jesus wandered the wilderness for 40 days tempted by Satan in preparation for becoming a Rabi. (See Matthew 4:1-11). The word Lent comes from an Anglo-Saxon word "lencten" which means "spring." (see Beth Richardson, The Upper Room.) It is the time during which we Christians prepare ourselves for the observance and remembrance of the crucifixion of Christ, his death and sacrifice for our sins, and his resurrection into eternal life.

My other grandmother who passed away when I was 19 used to decorate her entire house for Lent and Easter. She loved Christmas, but she taught us that while Jesus' birth is significant, it is only significant because of what his life, death and resurrection means for us all. She celebrated this season with more reverence than Christmas.

One of my dear Catholic friends shared yesterday's post-Vatican II Lent reading this morning:

Mt 7:7-12 -- Ask and it will be given to you:

Jesus said to his disciples:
"Ask and it will be given to you;
seek and you will find;
knock and the door will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds;
and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
Which one of you would hand his son a stone
when he asked for a loaf of bread,
or a snake when he asked for a fish?
If you then, who are wicked,
know how to give good gifts to your children,
how much more will your heavenly Father give good things
to those who ask him.

"Do to others whatever you would have them do to you.
This is the law and the prophets."

This is the law of attraction. It may be surprising to some to learn that God is the originator of this idea.

Jack Canfield's book, The Success Principles, lays out many of the principles for achieving success in your life. It is a compilation of the many lessons he's learned from success gurus over his lifetime in the business. One thing that he repeats over and over is that the difference between those who experience success and those who do not is that those who are successful take action, any action, toward their goals.

Whether you realize it or not, asking for what you want, even if you're only asking God (praying) is taking action. Being clear about what you want helps, because then the Universe knows whether to deliver a stone or a loaf of bread, but it also helps you to be inspired to take the right actions that will reveal your success.

The punctuation of the passage, The Golden Rule, serves to bolster your success by giving to others what you most desire. Wish only well for those around you, and you will have the same AND increase your magnetism.

What are you going to pray for after fish fry tonight? How can you make this Lenten season more cleansing and powerful, even if you're a non-Catholic? What would a new spring and a fresh start mean for you and what can you do to prepare yourself to be your best when it is given to you?

Why Rihanna Went Back

2009-03-02T07:33:00.006-06:00

There are questions swirling in the celebrity gossip world over why Rihanna may have reunited with Chris Brown. The man who allegedly beat her, bit her, choked her and left her on the side of the road is someone she now is rumored to be spending time with once again, to the dismay of many. Why would a woman who was beaten so badly by the man who is supposed to love her return for more of the same?

The judgments are already in. All over the net, the television networks, people are saying, "Well, if she's going to reunite with him, then her image is also tainted." This is the way it usually goes down. A woman is abused by her partner, and then she is blamed for continuing to be with him because those who have not walked in her shoes simply can not begin to fathom the multiple psychological factors involved in an abusive relationship.

I assure you that in a short blog post, I can not begin to do justice to this discussion. What I can tell you is that it is time for this nation to have a frank discussion about domestic violence. This happens more than most of us would like to admit. It is happening in teenage relationships, in adult relationships, in dating relationships, in co-habiting relationships and in marriages. It even happens in dissolved relationships where ex-partners have to see each other because of children they share.

If there is anything I can say today to stop the blaming of Rihanna, it is that a battered woman does not have the tools or perspective to leave the relationship. It takes a battered woman 7 attempts to leave, on average, before she is successful, if the man doesn't kill her in the meantime. There are elements involved in the syndrome of abuse that those who are not abused or trained in domestic violence do not understand. The perpetrator is a very skilled and manipulative person. He has control of the victim. It takes time to set the trap. When the victim tries to leave, he has ways of manipulating her back into the relationship, using all means necessary, including threats, emotional blackmail, you name it. Abusers are highly skilled at making their victims believe they caused the abuse.

To add to the unbearable burden on the victim, the court of public opinion fuels the fire by heaping blame and shame on the victim as well. Saying things like, "Well if she's going to return to him, then she deserves it," or, "If she's that stupid then she gets what she deserves, I don't feel sorry for her," are not helpful in this dialogue.

It is painfully difficult to watch a loved one or a friend entangled in an abusive relationship. It is easy to tire of hearing of it, to become less and less supportive as the person returns over and over for more abuse. The reason it is so difficult to take and so easy to tire is that we are not in it. We are not under the psychological control of the abuser. We can see his sickness, but the victim is sick with him. It takes very special friends and family to stick by the victim until she has had enough and is strong enough and ready to walk away for good. It takes even stronger friends and family to continue to say positive things and coach the victim away from the abuser by building her up, rather than tearing her down and blaming her.

Rihanna needs support. Fame, money and all the best in the world will do nothing for her if she doesn't see how sick her relationship is and she doesn't believe she deserves better than Chris Brown because Chris Brown is incapable of loving her.

Chris Brown needs help, and may be beyond it. None of his comments mean a thing, and if we give any of the things he has to say any credence, we are just as sick as a nation as Rihanna is as his girlfriend. Nothing he could have to say repairs what he's done to her and he has not done the work that would take years to rehabilitate himself into a being that is worthy of reconsideration. Oh, that Rihanna may be ready to take the trash out.

Rihanna is a symbol of the many women in our lives who are living the same shame behind the closed doors of their homes and cars when they leave our homes or our places of employment and go home in fear. They do not have the ability to treat themselves kindly because of the illness that has them entagled and enmeshed. The least we can do is be kind to them until they find the strength and ability to be kind to themselves.

Let us all remember and be grateful...but for the grace of God go I.

Everybody Needs A Coach

2009-02-27T22:05:00.002-06:00

There are all sorts of coaches in life. Sometimes we all need someone to force us to see past our excuses and surprise ourselves.

Stella Is 10 Months Old This Week

2009-02-24T20:41:00.002-06:00

My niece is such a cutie and so smart. Here is her latest photo. My sister said she's all smiley and laughing, and then the minute you turn the camera on her, she gives this look. We call it the Children of the Corn look. Oh well, it's still sweet.

Stella blows kisses and mimics our hand gestures, waving bye bye and hello, even the princess wave, and she clicks her tongue and makes all sorts of noises. My dad even has her talking like Donald Duck...no kidding. She doesn't use words, just the noises in that voice. I don't know how she figured out how he was making that voice with his throat, but she does it. She loves bling, so Aunt Dana is going to have to set her up with some necklaces and bracelets as soon as she can handle wearing them.

It is such a joy to have a beautiful and healthy little peanut in our lives. I love getting to spend time with her and I especially love holding her. What a blessing she is!

You Know How I Love Flowers...

2009-02-24T20:33:00.004-06:00

SP brought me the most gorgeous bouquet of roses this weekend. He brings me some really beautiful flowers quite often, and he mixes them up so they're always different. I always love the orange ones he brings, and of course I love red. They're all beautiful. These ones take the cake. If there were a contest, SP has topped himself. They're in my dining room on the credenza now. I keep moving them from room to room as I move so I can be with them and look at them.

I'm serious.

I will try to get another picture as they open because this picture doesn't do them justice. They're a very pale pink with white and very pale green mixed in. They are exactly what I'd want if I had a garden lined with roses. Exactly!

I had to share. Gratitude. It's the little things that add beauty to our lives...

How's Your Vision Board?

2009-02-24T20:07:00.004-06:00

I have a vision board that I put up in my home office probably a year ago. I was a little careless with it and didn't pay attention to it every day. Lately, I've made it a point to pause there in the morning instead of rushing right by. I take in the images and imagine the life I have coming to me and how wonderful it will be.

Have you tried this wonderful manifesting technique in your life yet? You can make a vision board out of anything. It can be a notebook with different goals on each page and then images that correspond to the goals. It can be a board, literally, like the one I've put together, where I've created a collage of some of the things I'm manifesting. It can be a video that you create for yourself, like a movie, enacting what life would be like if you had the things you're manifesting already.

You can continually add to it, you can remove items that you've already masterfully manifested. You can update it as your goals change and as you grow.

The point of the vision board is to hold your visions, goals and dreams every day for at least a few moments. View your vision board every day and let yourself step into it, as if the things you've posted are already in your life. It can be a powerful tool in aiding you at holding your visions and stepping into alignment with them.

Enjoy it! Do it with your kids. You can even make a family vision board together on the frig.

Need A Little Inspiration To Keep You Going?

2009-02-23T18:58:00.003-06:00

Finding Your Purpose -- Attracting Your Bliss

2009-02-07T08:55:00.004-06:00

This week I've been listening to Thomas Leonard's 28 Laws of Attraction while driving around instead of hearing the same songs looped endlessly over and over. The principle that inspired me has to do with doing the work that is most in alignment with our values. I have been beating this drum in my manifestation maps and journaling quite a bit lately. I keep writing that I want to manifest work that is an expression of my values.

So...what the heck does that mean, and how is it related to living your life's purpose? You know...that big question we all ask: What am I here to do?

I am always reading and taking in my fellow coaches and experts' writings on similar topics, and I happened across Vanessa Venos' blog, Musings from a Life Coach. I read some of her archived posts to see what her site is all about and, low and behold, I found the perfect quote about life purpose to use.

"If you asked a honey bee what it's purpose in life is, it would say it is to make honey for the colony. However, we know that a bee's life contributes a whole lot more to our world than just busily making honey. By doing its daily work, the honey bee in fact goes around and pollinates all the flowers and plants which results in new life for our planet. So just like in our lives, we may not realize what our big purpose in life is, by doing what we're passionate about, and by doing it well, with focus and determination, we may just affect a whole bigger purpose in our lives."

Honey bees, I'm pretty sure, don't think much about their values. I'm sure they also don't think much about their purpose. However, it is for the same reason that they don't think about these things but effortlessly fulfill their life's destiny. Honey bees follow their instincts and just do it, like the Nike ad says. We humans, on the other hand, think too much about it and get all kinked up about the rational reasons behind our activities, the shoulds, the financial aspects of our choices, the what will people thinks, you name it. That is precisely why this excercise may work to help realign you with your purpose.

Now, values are not things you need. Things you need are survival type things that you have to have day in and day out to keep going, to work, to live where you live, to stay healthy, etc. Values are a step further than that. They are things you want, things that do more for you than allow you to survive. They can propel you toward your life's purpose and create real passion and joy in your life in the day to day.

Take a nifty list of values (one can be found here) and read through them, underlining or circling those that speak most to you as you read and re-read them, narrowing them down to maybe a solid five or so values. These are the things in life that are most important to you. You may not know what they are right off hand, but in using the list, you may find that you are moved in some way by some of the values listed. Even if you skip over one thinking, "No, that's too fun, too good to be true, I can't have that," that one could be one of your top values. You may want to go back and circle it. Once you narrow it down to 3-6 solid values, take out a sheet of paper and draw a line down the center all the way. Now write your values on the left hand side of your paper.

Now, on the right side of the sheet, without regard to the values you have listed, write down your most sought after goals. Write down the long-term ones and the short-term ones. Go ahead, even the ones that nobody else knows about.

When you have your list of goals and your list of values, take a pencil and make a line from each goal to the value that it is expressing. Do this until you've lined them all up. If you have a goal that doesn't have a value that matches, that's ok, this is the purpose of this exercise. When you find a goal that doesn't line up with your values, you can use the opportunity to evaluate whether that goal is really one of your goals or just a should or another set of values imposed on you by your family, spouse, boss, or someone other than yourself. From there, you may want to re-evaluate why that goal is on your list. You may be able to rework the goal to better express your values, or you may want to replace the goal with something more expressive of the values you have identified that are important to you.

Once you have completed this exercise, you may want to re-write your values and goals on a clean, pretty sheet of paper or in a nice journal for easy reference and updating, without the scribbles and reminants of other people's values and goals or expectations of you left under the eraser stubble. Read it again, think about what it would feel like right now to be living those goals and expressing your values every day. Then go and do something fun that makes you feel good today.

In-House Life Coach?

2009-02-03T19:29:00.012-06:00

Ok...I am in the middle of this manifestation exercise. I'm working on manifesting a new job. Yes, I've put resumes out. I'm going to link to it (on my webpage), too. So...to start off, here is my resume. Just click the link, and then click Dana's Resume on the right, and it'll open for you. My resume is floating around for legal and non-legal jobs. I am open to remaining in the legal profession and I'm open to exploring life beyond the legal profession as well.

Feel free to call and ask me more about my objectives if you know of something that is potentially a good fit. Or feel free to email me or, heck, post it here.

I was thinking, wouldn't it be neat if there were such a thing as an in-house coach? I think companies like SCJ in Racine have folks who serve this function for them in-house. I only think so because a barista at Starbucks on Hwy 20 told me that one day while waiting for my coffee. Imagine if businesses had coaches to find out the real skinny on what their employees' true strengths are and what they really want to do in life, so that they could get the most productivity out of their workers by giving them the right opportunities to shine and the right carrots for their efforts. I think it would make a world of difference in this cookie cutter employment world.

I saw a job posting for a company that does this type of thing...that's their entire business model. They travel globally and they send "experts" that work for their company who are trained in ways to make workforces more profitable, productive, etc. They analyze the workforce and engage the people within a client business. From there, they consult the business on what they can do to create more profitability with their workers. I would love to apply for that job, but it requires a move every 18-24 months, and the move might be to Uganda. Maybe if I was 20. I'm not 20 anymore. Oh...and they wanted people with at least 8 years out of school. So they want 35 year olds who never want to have a family, basically. Scrap that.

Life coaches in the workplace would serve employers as much as employees in that the company would be in the business of placing the right talent in the right position within the organization. I firmly believe that most employees want to do a good job and want to use their genuine talents. If management could find an effective way to match talent with staffing needs through coaching, it would benefit everyone involved.

I know a woman who is at the top of her game at a Fortune 500 insurance company. She is management, and a lawyer, and she is amazing. She's been a wonderful mentor for me along the way. One of the things she has taught me is that my coaching fits in with my legal profession. She prides herself on being a talent spotter of sorts, and takes pride in keeping her eye on people until she can find the right place for them. I guess you could call her a matchmaker, but in the career sense.

I find that employees and employers aren't always honest with one another. It can be a maze of code speak in two different languages. I remember the first week, month, months of my jobs when bosses would ask, "So...how do you like your new job?!" Um...who answers that honestly?

I recently read one executive banker's blog entry about how she took the advice from someone to interview all new hires after one month and get all of their observations about what seems odd, weird or out of place in the office or workplace, whether it has to do with systems, hardware, people or how the furniture is arranged. She actually takes criticism of new hires. Wow. I used to tell my new employers better ways to do things, but I quickly learned that didn't get me very far. To think there are bosses out there who listen and take what they can from it. We live in a world where the experienced folks think that they're the only ones who have anything to offer. They don't realize that sometimes fresh eyes and new ways of thinking can actually improve things for everyone involved. If I can find the posting again, I'll come back and link to it. The author said that management often misses a window of opportunity to see things through fresh eyes, when instead they ask the new hire how things are going and the new hire inevitably says, "Grrrrreat! I love it!" Most new hires don't know they have any other option if they want to keep their new job.

I digress. That was simply one example of how employees and employers can really have a huge wall up between them in terms of communication and expectations. Wouldn't it be nice if an honest dialogue could be had instead of speaking different languages and pretending to understand each other?

Well, either way, whether there is a job titled "in-house life coach" or not, I have decided that I want to be your go-to life coach for businesses and employees alike, alongside my entrepreneurial client base.

Groundhog Day Hibernation or Awakening?

2009-02-02T18:26:00.004-06:00

You've seen the movie, haven't you? Bill Murray, Andie MacDowell...the main character is a news reporter covering Groundhog Day in Punxatawny, PA for the umpteenth year in a row. He gets stuck in a time warp of sorts, living the same day over and over, waking up to Sonny and Cher day after day, and eventually committing suicide so many times that he begins to think nothing matters and there is no way out. He explains that he's living the same day over and over to Rita, and she changes his out look by telling him that it doesn't have to be awful.

Suddenly, Phil begins to use each repeated day to get a leap on the next repeat. He learns the lessons he can learn and takes new talents into each day new day. He begins to realize that it's less about what he gets out of his day and more about what he gives each day, and that people remember more how he made them feel than anything else.

The movie Groundhog Day is a metaphor for the hibernation of the spirit, and the presence of personality or ego or self, and what happens when we realize that life is not about our personality or our self, but about others and how our spirit connects with and touches the other spirits around us. It's a choice that Phil is finally presented with. He can either continue to be with himself and hate every mundane repeat, or he can connect with others and find himself in the process.

Don't you sometimes feel like you wake up to the same day over and over? It's Monday!!! The alarm goes off, you pour your cup of coffee, eat a bowl of cereal, shower, don't even really care what clothes you put on, rush out the door and get through the work day only to repeat the process all over again tomorrow, with barely enough time in between to reflect and connect with yourself, much less others around you.

It is a universal principle that the present is perfect. In the law of attraction, every single thing in your life is there because you attracted it through your actions and your thoughts. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. If your days are exactly the same over and over, ask yourself why that is the case. What are you focusing on? What thoughts are you choosing? What is your self-talk? How do you value yourself?

Are you stuck in a pattern of complaining about the same things day in and day out? Do you fear that you couldn't do better if you chose something different to do with your days? If you are focusing on what you lack or the parts of what you have in your life that you hate, then you are a match for those things you don't want. When you transform your self-talk and your thoughts and you begin to focus on what you want and the positive things in your life, your vibration will be lifted and you will align with your desires, manifesting them much more quickly and changing your life in no time.

When you stand in appreciation for what is in your life every day, and you practice self-care in appreciating yourself and providing for your own needs, and when you are able to focus on your goals as if they are already accomplished, you are well on your way to leaving your personality behind and bringing your spirit forward to guide you. The inspired action that follows will astound you, much like it did with Phil Connors.

Give it a try. Make a list of what you appreciate about your day to day. Write on it all the good things in your life. Also write all the things you bring to the table every day, even the things that are not being utilized. Then make a list of what you want in your life. Go crazy. You can focus it on one goal or generalize it across all areas of your life. When you've listed what you want, write a bit about what it would feel like if you had it right now. Experience that. Let it sink in. Feel it as if you do have what you want already. Finally, when you've had some time to let it soak in, ask yourself what feels like the best thing for you to do next. It won't always have anything to do with your goals or wants that you just listed, and that's ok. It shouldn't be a should sort of thing. It should be something you feel inspired to do or something you that would make you feel good right now. This is more about raising your vibration to allow synchronicity to find you, and to invite what you want into your life. You're much more attractive to the things you want when you are vibrating higher energy as well as self-appreciation.

Try to do this for yourself as often as you can, every day if possible, and see how it makes a difference. Challenge this to see if it transforms you from the hibernating groundhog to the awakened one...from repeating the same Monday, to experiencing life more deeply every day.

Setting Your Intentions With Confidence

2009-01-31T00:21:00.002-06:00

It's a brand new year. Doesn't it feel liberating to start fresh, with a brand new calendar, a brand new twelve months to fill with experiences, memories and lessons? Do you remember that feeling when you were in school and the academic year began? Did you get excited to use new notebooks and folders and pens? Wasn't it encouraging to know you had a fresh slate in the grade book and you could have As if you made that your goal for the year?

Now that we live in the grown up world, we don't start our year in August or September. Instead, the New Year means we have a somewhat fresh slate. The New Year is when we clean out closets, figuratively and literally. We buy totes to store and organize things. We take down the holiday decorations and clean under the furniture. At the New Year, don't you get excited at the thought of setting new goals?

At this time of year, most of us have made some resolutions and begun trying to achieve something, whether it be fitness or weight loss, financial fitness, getting debt-free, completing a degree, starting a business, launching an e-zine, writing that novel, or what have you. Making a resolution is another way of setting an intention for the year. If you want to lose 20 pounds in 2009, you resolve to do so. Is will power what makes the difference?

Setting your intentions can become an important part of starting your New Year, your month, your week, even every day. You may want to start with baby steps, deciding to have a positive day before you get out of bed in the morning. You may decide that you want to set intentions on various levels, thinking both short-term and long-term, and making small and large goals.

Intentions are a little different than goals. How are they different? An intention is an underlying energy that propels you forward and inspires you to take actions consistent with it. Once you decide on an intention and commit to setting it, if you begin to live as if you are in perfect alignment with it, as if the end result is already in your life as you see it, your actions will effortlessly line up with the intention and you will see coincidences and circumstances lining up to meet your intentions.

Will setting your intentions take care of the results? Not exactly, but when you begin to feel and use the energy resulting from the intention, and you align yourself to accept the circumstances and follow the coincidences where they want to take you, you will begin to see your goals unfold.

How does this play out in real life? Well, say you set your intention to leave your job in 2009. This is your resolution. You meditate on it, you think positively about it and you decide that for the good of all involved, this is what you desire in this new year. Will that simply result in a change in your job status? Probably not, though you may simply lose your job if you aren't careful. As we all know, we must be careful what we wish for.

Nonetheless, if your intention is to leave your job this year, you probably also have set an intention to do something else specific. If you haven't, your next step may be to get very clear about what it will look like to leave this job. What will you do to replace that job, income, time, and activity? What do you want to be doing? Ask yourself very specific questions. This applies to any intention you may set. What does the end result look like? Envision it, write it out, talk about it to friends.

Once you have defined what it looks like, begin to take inspired actions toward your goal. You may say to yourself, "What does an inspired action look like?" You know what I'm talking about. You've had moments when you are inspired to do something and, in those moments, you are in the zone. You seem to effortlessly and easily complete the task. You know exactly what to do without thinking too much about it or having to ask others about it. The end result is usually some of your best work or most fun and it often results in making some sort of shifts in your world, whether you meet a new connection that is integral to your goal or gain recognition for your hard work, or reap rewards that propel you closer to your goal. You know you are taking inspired action and that you are in alignment with your intention when you are smiling, eager to do something and you can't help but share it with people.

Have you experienced this kind of inspiration? Think back and recall how it helped you to reach a goal that was important to you and that made you happy. Better yet, think forward to the goals you have in mind for this year. Take some quiet time for yourself and define exactly what they look like to you, in a perfect world, in the end. Share your vision with your friends and loved ones. Accept their goodwill and help, if it is in alignment with your intentions. Listen to your gut and take inspired actions to reach the end zone.

Intention setting serves not just the purpose of plotting a roadmap to your success, however you define it, but it also serves to energize and supercharge your engine so that you can speed in the fast lane along the journey to your dreams.

Velveteen Rabbit Complex

2009-01-28T20:44:00.004-06:00

I had a lightbulb moment yesterday. I'm not sure what triggered it, but I think I might have been reading an article on children's books or literature when I free associated that one of my favorite childhood books is "The Velveteen Rabbit" by Margery Williams. I thought of the lovely tale for a moment, the emotions it evokes, the lessons it teaches.

It's noble to love something or someone who is terribly flawed and ugly. That is what the book is about, right? The kid in the book loves the toy rabbit until he wears its fur off, its eye comes loose, and its stitches begin to come apart. When everyone else can't understand what he sees in the rabbit, he insists that he loves his snuggly friend and doesn't see its flaws. Then, when he loves the rabbit just enough, his toy friend magically comes to life, becomes real, and the boy's loyal love is rewarded.

Wait a minute!

Ok, those are nice sentiments. I do believe in unconditional love. I am very forgiving of the flaws in others, particularly those I love. However, there are serious flaws in the delivery of this message to children, if it is not taught in such a way so that a child can understand that they do not have to accept things that are unacceptable.

In no way does the Velveteen Rabbit appear to have traits that are offensive or objectionable. Ms. Williams nicely illustrates that we should love our loved ones, warts and all. This is a warm and fuzzy message, but I worry that children are very impressionable and do not have the ability to discriminate and sort the acceptable flaws when weighed against the qualities and value the loved one brings to a relationship from the unacceptable deal breakers that render someone inappropriate and damaging to their lives. Children do not have the ability to set boundaries. Adults have to guide children and serve as examples, sometimes setting boundaries for children until they can do so themselves.

How many women, in particular, grow up somehow misinterpreting this childhood parable and applying it to dating and intimate relationships to their detriment? Don't all of you know someone (or haven't you been someone) who continued seeing someone or living with someone or sharing their life with someone who they might have thought was like the Velveteen Rabbit, when really they were more like a parasite who needed to be cut out with a knife so that the wound could be treated with strong antibiotic ointment? Why do those women (and men...I'm sure there are men who think they can love someone to life as well) refuse to break off the relationship with someone who clearly displays several deal-breaker behaviors and unbecoming characteristics? Do they believe that if they just love the flawed man enough, even though his fur might be worn off and his seams may be bursting, he might come to life and love them back?

SP calls this "broken wing syndrome." On one of our early dates, we actually drove by the local jail because it was on our way home from the restaurant we visited. To his dismay, there were young women standing outside the jail sending messages in a secret code to men who were in the jail and could see them through the jailhouse windows to the street below. SP wanted to know what they were doing. I explained that I have observed it many times and what is happening, is that these girls are communicating with their boyfriends. They are having relationships with men who are in jail and either convicted of or accused of crimes. He joked about how good I had it and what low standards had been set, regretting having taken me to dinner when he could have simply flashed his cell phone light at me out a jailhouse window.

Obviously, this is an extreme example. There are other extreme examples, such as women who are physically abused by men they are involved with, or women who are with men who abuse their children. I know that we are all aware of the more subtle examples of being with someone who dehumanizes you, who devalues you, who simply doesn't have the capacity to love you in return.

All of those are examples of situations where loving someone loyally and hoping that more and more doting and affection will make them love you back is futile.

I subscribe to the belief that most people are good by nature. However, I have learned through experiences like the ones described that good boundaries are necessary in relationships, and establishing dealbreakers and qualities that are essential in friendships and relationships of all kinds is crucial to our well-being.

Are you wasting your affections, time, love, and life on someone who is undeserving or unable to reciprocate? Rather than dwell on that, have you considered that you are in charge of who you choose to spend your time with? Have you considered getting very clear about what kinds of people you want to fill your life with? When people truly serve your life by being good friends, amazing mates and supportive family members, it is easy to love them "unconditionally". It is also necessary to give our loved ones some slack when they are inherently good, but have human flaws just like we do.

When is it time to toss that toy or friend away? Is it ok to declutter and get rid of things that don't serve you or lift you up? Love is something that should be joyous, not painful. That's not to say that everything should be roses all the time, of course. It's a balancing test. Only you can decide whether to toss the rabbit or love him to life.

You Always Get What You Want

2009-01-23T23:29:00.004-06:00

Ever been told, "Be careful what you wish for?" I preach this, and I tell my clients that they have to carefully set their intentions, align themselves with their goals by their actions and emotions, and then take inspired steps forward and the Universe will deliver those things that you have asked for.

Ever wished for something and truly been aligned with it, and then had friends kind of tell you that it isn't such a good idea to do what you have in mind, that maybe you should wait, or had some other voice in your head that made you pause instead of doing what you intended to do? Ever have it happen anyway, but not in the way you thought it would? Ever had it happen as if you set your intention, made up your mind and, even though you backpedaled, voila, there it is, like it or not!?

I think I've mentioned here before that what we focus on gets bigger. When we set our intentions, the Universe listens. If we are aligned with the intention we set, even if we find some way to slink out of it, the Universe knows we want the desired result and we are too chicken shit to actually pull the trigger, so it coordinates the circumstances in a synchronistic way so that we get the desired result, even if we have to have a bop in the head.

Do be careful what you wish for, but do know that all is well and you will be provided for. Be in alignment with the circumstances that the Universe presents to you, because they are answers to your intentions and you may not see the big picture, but you are exactly where you are supposed to be, learning the lessons you are supposed to be learning, and the present is perfect.

Trust me. You have everything you ever wished for, and it is working out exactly as it should. Call me if you don't believe me. We'll have coffee and we'll talk.

Watching the Petals Open

2009-01-20T19:59:00.003-06:00

SP rang in the New Year, in part, by bringing me these beautiful red and white roses. They lasted forever...more than two weeks. This picture was taken on the 11th, and they were still gorgeous. We had a romantic New Year at home.

My modem died the first week of the year and I just finally got someone to replace it today. Time Warner Cable in Racine took forever, and they were at my house forever, too. I nearly missed the swearing in of Obama as they tried to fix my network problems. Alas, I'm back and ready to post in 2009.

If those roses are any indication of how the year is going to go, I am looking forward to watching each petal bloom and open.

Integrity Is a Two-Way Street

2008-12-30T22:56:00.000-06:00

We all know The Golden Rule, don't we? "Do unto others as you would have done to you. " We learned this from our upbringings, in church, or at school.

If any of you are like me, I'm always worried about how I'm treating other people and how what I do affects them. I tend to obsess a little about whether what I said upset someone or whether what I think I might want to do might be seen by others. I always want to do things the right way and have my personal integrity intact at the end of the day.

It's important to keep our own integrity in dealing with others, but it is also important to maintain our dignity in allowing others to deal with us.

Have you ever dealt with a person or group of people who repeatedly demonstrate that they do not care how their actions impact your life? Have you failed to realize it, and continued to deal with them day in and day out all while keeping their feelings and lives in mind when you do things that might affect them? Or do you know that they don't treat you with dignity and integrity, but yet you continue to consent to their treatment every day, telling yourself that you have to keep the relationship or situation going?

The next time you find yourself wanting to take an action on your own behalf, in your own best interest, and asking yourself five thousand questions about whether you're going about it the right way or whether you're going to hurt someone's feelings or whether you're going to leave someone holding the bag or be thought of as inconsiderate, also evaluate the very people who you are so concerned with. How do they treat you on a daily basis? Do they treat your interests with care? Do they go to bat for you? Do they have your back? If the chips are down and they have to act in their own best interest, are they going to think of you first?

Part of extreme self-care, a concept that is at the core of manifesting a life for yourself that is authentic and enjoyable, is to make sure that those with whom you deal on a daily basis treat you with integrity as well. If they do not, then they are not serving you. Surround yourself with people in all areas of your life who are serving the greater good for your life and everyone else concerned. Fill your life with people and things that serve you.

It's the end of the year. For many, it is the time of year to take inventory. Who are you spending your time with? Who are you working for? Who are your friends?

One of the absolute most useful things I ever read, a pivotal moment for me, was that you should take inventory of every area of your life...your material possessions including books and decorations and clothing, your car, etc, and your job, your business, your friends, your significant other, whatever it is you have to take inventory of, and ask yourself one question: Is it a reflection of the life you want for yourself right now? Does it represent who you are today? If it does not, if it represents something you do not stand for or if it is from your past but doesn't serve a useful purpose today by helping to define who you are in real time, then you have a decision to make.

Food for thought as we ring out the old and ring in the new.

Didn't Billy Crystal say something similar when he went to rescue Sally from the New Year's Eve party and tell her he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her? "All my life I don't know what this song (Auld Lang Syne) means. I mean, 'Should old aquaintance be forgot? Does that mean that we should forget old aquaintances, or does it mean if we happen to forget them, we should remember them, which is not possible because we already forgot?"

It's the time of year for leaving the past behind us and starting anew, with what matters to us on this day.

On Receiving Gifts

2008-12-23T20:04:00.003-06:00

I receive a daily inspiration from www.tut.com. It's usually a law of attraction sort of message that inspires me to purposefully choose my thoughts, because thoughts become things...as in, what you focus on gets bigger.

Today the inspiration instructed me to receive well...to receive in a way that is open and happy to be receiving, delighting in letting my loved ones be the givers, so that they can fully experience the joy of giving during this season, which is all about giving.

In theory, most of us go shopping for our loved ones or make things for them so that we can see their eyes light up on Christmas, surprised with a special thing we are thoughtfully giving to them. When I had more time, I was better at this. It seems that most of us get so busy that we end up doing the last-minute shopping spree and saying to ourselves, "Well, this will do," or we simply put cash or gift cards in envelopes hoping our family members will find that special joy on their own.

Have you ever had a year when you had all the time in the world to shop for that special person and you really had a great idea in mind...or you just took great care in picking out every single gift? And have you ever had the experience of watching the person open their gift that you so carefully chose for them, just knowing that they'd be overjoyed that you put so much thought into their gift, only to have them not react at all or, even worse, react in a negative way by not liking what you gave them or by acting in an ungrateful way despite your thoughtfulness?

Do you know that person in your family or group who nobody wants to buy for because they dont' like anything anyone ever gives them? Are you that person? Nothing is ever the right size, color, quality, price, or name brand?

What is the purpose of all this giving anyway? If we are just wrapping up random stuff to give to random people, then what's the point?

When someone gives you a gift, how do you receive it? Are you happy that they thought of you? Can you see where they were coming from in choosing the gift they gave to you? Are you open to the lovely things that your loved ones want to lavish upon you? Do you shy away from receiving or ask that you not be given gifts? Do you say, "Oh, you didn't have to give me a gift!"?

See what happens this year when you give the gift of receiving thankfully and graciously. Appreciate the thought and the effort that went into the gifts you receive. In this economy, appreciate the money that went into the gifts that you receive. Give your spouse, your boyfriend or girlfriend, your sister, brother, friend and parents the gift of joy in watching you light up while you open the gift they are going to give you.

As for where the law of attraction comes into this...any time you stand in appreciation, in the place of love and joy with what and who you have in your life, you open yourself up to the Universe and invite more of what you want into your life. You create manifestation equity.

Stand in the space of the love that you are when you give and, more importantly, when you receive this year and always. Allow the person who is giving to you to stand in the place of the love that they are as well. When it all comes down to it, that's what really matters on Christmas, and in life.

Joy and abundance to you.