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Wordle Creations

2009-04-11T09:20:00.002-05:00

One of my coaching friends introduced me to Wordle.net. If you go there, you can create one of these very neat word images about any topic or a jumble of topics. I scooped up text from my coaching website here:

And this one is from my "about you" page on my site. I think I can do better than this:

And this is kind of neat. It's the "about me" page on my site. What a way to create a collage about yourself and see where you could do less of something or more of it, or at least mention it less or more:

And I really like this one. It's from my last post on the power of kissing. How juicy is this?

I could play all day with that. Try it. Have fun. Oh, and I'm supposed to credit www.wordle.net with those images created from my content. :)

A Kiss Is Still a Kiss...Or Is It More?

2009-04-03T11:58:00.006-05:00

Ok, I watched Oprah today. There, I said it. I've been watching a little as I drink my morning coffee and write because I'm home.

Today's show was good...very good. It was about what turns women on, what's in our attraction factor, what makes us tick sexually, what's in the O for us. There were experts, actual Ph.D.s, who did scientific studies, some were men and some were women, and they discussed the biology behind passion, attraction, mate selection, keeping attraction and passion alive, and really what gets women hot. I love this topic because who doesn't love getting hot for the one they love?

As I watched the show, I kept thinking, "OMG, that's what I have been trying to communicate and that's what I've wanted, and they are saying it out loud!" It was so validating. If you're a guy, watch that episode, even if you despise Oprah or daytime talk shows geared toward women. This one is priceless.

It's so simple.

The first lesson: Women are most turned on when they are desired. Bingo! "Women want to know that you want to have sex with THEM. They know you desire sex, but when you let them know you desire sex with THEM, that takes them over the edge. That's the O." The fact is that women want sex too, but what takes ordinary sex to mind blowing sex for women is when her man pursues her, wants her, and makes that very clear...you know what I mean? It's a guaranteed O. I swear it, fellas. You show us how much you want us, we'll reciprocate your socks off and thank you for it after.

The second lesson: Kiss your lady at least once every single day, deeply, for at least 10 seconds straight. Not the kind of kiss you give your mother...save those for your Aunt Louise. No, the kind of kiss that involves your saliva. You know the kind of kiss I'm talking about. The one that leads to other things...and why does it lead to other things? Did you know that when you kiss your woman deeply, your saliva contains testosterone that is transferred into her bloodstream via her mouth, and it increases her libido? If you think your lover isn't feeling it as often as you'd like her to, or if you would like her to be a little more interactive in the process...a little more into you...a little more adventurous, try planting a good one on her for ten long seconds or more and see what that does for you? I bet she finds that the mood strikes her a little more easily, and then she'll be more likely to give you what you need and want. In fact, do that once a day for a while and see if it doesn't transform your "routine." What have you got to lose?

There was more to the show. They talked about biological attraction by scent and saliva and how birth control pills can affect a woman's ability to choose the right mate for reproduction purposes, etc, but these are the things that really concerned heating up your love life if you already found the one.

I got to thinking how might this all relate to the law of attraction. Hmmm...

If you are a man and you want your lady to have more enthusiasm about getting under the covers with you and pleasing you and telling you what a wonderful lover you are and how much she wants you, the law of attraction says you get back what you are putting out to the Universe. You will get what you can give to someone else. So...if you can show your sweetheart just how much you desire her by pursuing her and kissing her passionately, you just might attract into your relationship a more passionate, engaging, eager to please you and more easily pleased partner...the one you already have lying right next to you.

If you are a woman and you would like a little of this in your direction from the man you love, it's ok to ask him to kiss you. The Universe responds when you ask for what you want. Ask and it is given, right? Start out with that. Ask him if he'll kiss you every day. How could he say no to the woman he loves? See what that does for you and for him.

A kiss is much more than a kiss. It's the opening of a whole new world of passion and exploration for your love life. Explore with the object of your affection and let me know if Oprah's show was right.

How Do You Know If She's "The One?"

2009-04-01T18:33:00.005-05:00

I read a really shallow article today about finding the right mate, or knowing when a girl is the girl you should marry. I despise articles like these, because while they seem to mean well and they often have some nugget of truth and wisdom to them, they usually oversimplify and impose their values or some silly set of rules on the masses. I prefer to think for myself and the older I get, the more I prefer to follow my own set of values.

Here's the article, if you'd like to read it for reference:

Should You Marry Her?

As I mentioned, the article does point out some helpful standards one might value, such as she has her own hobbies and allows you to have yours, or she sometimes disagrees with you because she also has a mind of her own, and she has some ambition, to name a few. However, not every man has the same set of values or the same list of qualities he'd like in a mate. Just as not every woman does. We all have within ourselves the wisdom to formulate our own list based upon our own values, boundaries and standards. It is important that we go through that process ourselves instead of having a staff writer for MSN Lifestyle tell us what the list should look like.

The other bone I have to pick with the article is that it is very "me" centered. It focuses on what the woman has to offer to the man. It doesn't take into account compatibilities or give and take. There are two dangers in this approach, in my opinion. First, a guy who might read this and actually think it's the gold standard in evaluating whether he should marry his girl might actually think that only his interests and needs and time and wallet matter. The author tries to hint that a woman who pays at least sometimes could be a good indication that she'll be reciprocal in other ways in the relationship. However, there is no mention of the ways in which both parties can reciprocate, outside of the financial realm, and there is no mention of the ways she may already reciprocate financially even if she didn't buy dinner out. Second, what really scares me about articles like these are the women out there who may read it and then think they have to mold themselves to these rules or they'll never win the prize.

I have news for you, sweetie, you are the prize. The right guy will see that and appreciate you for who you are. You can start the process of attracting a man who will appreciate who you are by appreciating yourself, loving yourself, and respecting yourself. You can also make your own list of qualities and traits that you find valuable in a mate, and set your intention to attract someone into your life who appreciates you and has those qualities. Finally, what's good for the goose is good for the gander, so practice being what you want to attract. If you want someone who is kind, gentle, loving, intelligent, responsible, well groomed, etc., then be all of those things yourself. Like attracts like and you get what you want by giving it to someone else.

I am all about resources that help you ask yourself the powerful questions that lead you to the right choices in life. When a list just blankly tells you what you should value and whether a girl is a keeper, you should keep looking inside yourself, because the answer isn't on someone else's list. It's on your list, and that list may still be inside you, but it's there. You have to cultivate it.

We are all perfect for someone, and probably more than just one someone. Keep being the best you that you can be and that special someone will find you. If the person isn't right for you, you know it and just say "next!"

Getting in Touch with the Pure At Heart

2009-03-20T19:24:00.005-05:00

Being around a small child can really open your eyes to how significant every little thing is in the world. They notice everything. They are little sponges, and they copy everything you do. My niece, Stella, is just under 11 months old and she spent some time with me at my house today. While the video might seem boring to some, watch how excited she is when my dogs move and how fast she can repeat things when I make noises that she can copy.

I also noticed today, aside from this little video, that when she's happy, she's really happy. When she is uncomfortable, she makes no bones about letting you know, but the minute it's all better, she's forgotten about it and she's really happy again. Boy, how we adults could learn from that.

Try hanging out with a little person and see if it doesn't change your perspective on things a little bit. You'll pay attention to your surroundings more because they'll point everything out to you as if they're seeing it for the first time...because they are. They'll crack you up in ways you have never laughed, and when they cry, you'll do anything to make it go away and bring their little smile back as fast as you can.

I have to say, too, that I had a little worry in the back of my mind about whether my dogs would be good around a baby. I knew it'd be fine, but you just worry. My Luther is always a lovebug, sometimes a little too much of a lovebug. True to form, he tried to love Stella so much that while it was sweet 95% of the time, he did knock her over trying to snuggle her once. He doesn't realize he's so big. :) Laney was the real worry for me. She's a Cattle Dog and they're a little offstandish at times, and really a one-person dog. However, Laney's maternal instinct kicked in full force and wow did she become a protective mama to Stella. She didn't leave Stella's side at all, not once. Even after the baby went home, Laney went from room to room trying to find her. I even got some good shots of Laney (very hard to do because she isn't friendly to the camera) when she was protecting Stella. I guess even dogs know that little ones are pure at heart.

Amping Up My Vibration In My Slice of Nature

2009-03-17T18:26:00.004-05:00

We had a record 74 degree day today in SE Wisconsin. The past 7 St. Paddy's Days have been 35 degrees, and 3 of the 7 were snow days. Needless to say, we Cheeseheads were not only drunk (not me), but happy to see the sun. The bars opened at 6 and they said on the news that people sat outside and drank all day. Good for them!

I, on the other hand, used the day to clean up my backyard for spring. I raked the flower beds and lawn so that all that is spring and green can peek through easily and breathe, and so that it can see the sun too. I can already see things coming up. I cleaned my patio furniture and set it up nicely, and arranged my annual pots and lanterns around the patio. I cleared away any leaves, garbage and sticks that were cluttering up the yard. I even put my umbrella and seat cushions out for that relaxing feeling of my outdoor "room." While I was cleaning my market umbrella, a bee chased me.

The dogs lazed around the yard, following me as I picked up after them, raked and set the yardscape up. I tossed the frisbee for Luther and threw Laney's basketball all day long. They're wiped and currently passed out on the floor, drooling.

I visited my mom and my niece while my mom cleaned up her yard, because I wanted to say hi and my mom had some artisan cheese and a rake for me to use.

Getting back in touch with my yard, the garden, the soil, seeing the green buds under all the debris I raked away, and feeling the wind blow my hair around without caring what it looked like hiked up my vibration quite a bit. Yesterday was a day of panic, wondering when I'll land my new job and doing the math on bills and unemployment checks. Today I did the labor of love that is connecting with nature and cleaning up my piece of it. The law of fair exchange will ensure that the Universe compensates me for my contribution, and I bet I'll sleep well tonight, even if I don't have a single drink on St. Paddy's Day.

When was the last time you connected with nature? What is your favorite way to do so? I invite you to pay attention to how it makes you feel when you spend an entire day doing nothing but appreciating the wind, the sun, the plants that surround you, bumble bees and lady bugs and beetles, and what the soil smells like. None of those energies or living things is worried about where their next paycheck is coming from. They know they will be provided for, and they take inspired action to ensure it, doing what is instinctive in them. Does nature inspire you to do what is "second nature" for you?

Video Vision Board - a'la Mel Brooks

2009-03-16T21:34:00.003-05:00

I had to apply for unemployment compensation last week, and I'm awaiting the payments to kick in, so it's like I'm standing in this long line. I want it to go exactly the way that it goes for Mel Brooks in "The History of the World". Saved by the bell with the best gig of all.

Ordering the Right Job

2009-03-11T20:55:00.005-05:00

Whenever we're not quite sure exactly what we want, we tend to give the Universe mixed signals, and we give ourselves and everyone around us mixed signals. As a result, we attract mixed results that often don't match up with what we truly want. This is true in all aspects of life, whether we're looking for the right mate, the right job, the right house, the right friends, or whatever it is we seek to bring into our lives.

I am going to lay forth the tools to attract the perfect job, because Lord knows in this economy, we can all use advice on landing a good job.

It's really quite simple. It's like placing an order with a waiter for dinner, only you will need to place an order with the Universe. When you order in a restaurant, you look at a menu and decide what you want, and sometimes you even tweak it a little to meet your dietary needs or special taste. It is the same idea when you are trying to attract a new and perfect job into your life.

First you need to get very clear about what you want. What kind of job do you want? What kind of people will you work with? What kind of space and environment, etc.? What types of skills will you use? For many people, it's hard to answer those questions. It's difficult to know what you like or don't like just thinking off the top of your head onto a blank piece of paper.

What seems to work very well is to get out a piece of paper and make a list of all the things you have really enjoyed doing in your past job experiences. Then add to that list anything you think you would enjoy that you may not have already experienced in your past positions. Then, on a separate piece of paper, write down all the things you disliked about your past jobs. Be complete. When you've finished that task, take all of your negatives and turn them into positives.

For example, if you worked within a strong boys club environment and you felt you couldn't advance or be accepted because you are a woman, turn that around: I work in a diverse and open environment where men and women are equally respected for the qualities they bring to the table. I fit in very well within the group and have enjoyed rewards due to my efforts. I see advancement in my future. See how it's done? Now, transfer the positive you just created to your order form...the first page that you wrote all the things you liked about your jobs on.

When you are finished, read through your list and see that you still agree with all the things on the list and want your new job to have those qualities and aspects to it. Add anything you may have left out.

You now have a complete "order". You can confirm your order and make it a daily affirmation. Read it once a day and allow yourself to envision working in a job like that OR BETTER. Always imagine what you want OR BETTER. You never know if the Universe has something better than you imagined in mind for you. Often it does.

Now, allow yourself some free time to practice extreme self-care and to envision your celebration when you get the job offer. How will it feel to have your job?

Break a leg!

P.S. I know this works. I've used it for other aspects of my life, and the U delivered better than I wished for. Try it!

Time for a New Job?

2009-03-11T20:34:00.002-05:00

My sister loves this ad from the Superbowl this year. In this economy, it may be a good idea to hang on to any job security you have, but for some of us, it may be time...

A Monty Python Job Interview

2009-03-11T19:53:00.006-05:00

Reflections During Lent

2009-03-06T09:42:00.007-06:00

I'm not Catholic, but my father was raised Catholic and SP is Catholic. Many of my friends are Catholic and I went to law school in the most Catholic city in the U.S., New Orleans, Louisiana. To qualify as a cook in Louisiana, folks there ask you, "Who's your mama, is she Catholic and can she make a roux?" :) Even if you're not Catholic, the lessons from the Lenten season can apply to your life. It's a time to repent, to spring clean your life, to renew your commitment to your faith and to get back to the basics.

My great-grandmother was a Vatican I Catholic. She would be 100 this year, but she passed away at just shy of 93. She fasted through Lent, not just on Fridays. She conserved energy during Lent, by leaving the car in the garage and walking, and she read by candlelight. She read Bible verses and reflected on what they meant in her life and how she could better utilize the tools God had given to her to lead a more successful and love-filled life. She did more than choose a superficial and temporary sacrifice of chocolate or Scotch to cleanse her spirit during Lent, and she used that time to ask God for what she wanted to accomplish in the coming year.

Lent, by the way, is also celebrated by non-Catholic Christians, but it is not observed with the same rituals. The Lenten season spans 40 days because it represents the preparation period before Easter; it is symbolic of when Jesus wandered the wilderness for 40 days tempted by Satan in preparation for becoming a Rabi. (See Matthew 4:1-11). The word Lent comes from an Anglo-Saxon word "lencten" which means "spring." (see Beth Richardson, The Upper Room.) It is the time during which we Christians prepare ourselves for the observance and remembrance of the crucifixion of Christ, his death and sacrifice for our sins, and his resurrection into eternal life.

My other grandmother who passed away when I was 19 used to decorate her entire house for Lent and Easter. She loved Christmas, but she taught us that while Jesus' birth is significant, it is only significant because of what his life, death and resurrection means for us all. She celebrated this season with more reverence than Christmas.

One of my dear Catholic friends shared yesterday's post-Vatican II Lent reading this morning:

Mt 7:7-12 -- Ask and it will be given to you:

Jesus said to his disciples:
"Ask and it will be given to you;
seek and you will find;
knock and the door will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds;
and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
Which one of you would hand his son a stone
when he asked for a loaf of bread,
or a snake when he asked for a fish?
If you then, who are wicked,
know how to give good gifts to your children,
how much more will your heavenly Father give good things
to those who ask him.

"Do to others whatever you would have them do to you.
This is the law and the prophets."

This is the law of attraction. It may be surprising to some to learn that God is the originator of this idea.

Jack Canfield's book, The Success Principles, lays out many of the principles for achieving success in your life. It is a compilation of the many lessons he's learned from success gurus over his lifetime in the business. One thing that he repeats over and over is that the difference between those who experience success and those who do not is that those who are successful take action, any action, toward their goals.

Whether you realize it or not, asking for what you want, even if you're only asking God (praying) is taking action. Being clear about what you want helps, because then the Universe knows whether to deliver a stone or a loaf of bread, but it also helps you to be inspired to take the right actions that will reveal your success.

The punctuation of the passage, The Golden Rule, serves to bolster your success by giving to others what you most desire. Wish only well for those around you, and you will have the same AND increase your magnetism.

What are you going to pray for after fish fry tonight? How can you make this Lenten season more cleansing and powerful, even if you're a non-Catholic? What would a new spring and a fresh start mean for you and what can you do to prepare yourself to be your best when it is given to you?

Why Rihanna Went Back

2009-03-02T07:33:00.006-06:00

There are questions swirling in the celebrity gossip world over why Rihanna may have reunited with Chris Brown. The man who allegedly beat her, bit her, choked her and left her on the side of the road is someone she now is rumored to be spending time with once again, to the dismay of many. Why would a woman who was beaten so badly by the man who is supposed to love her return for more of the same?

The judgments are already in. All over the net, the television networks, people are saying, "Well, if she's going to reunite with him, then her image is also tainted." This is the way it usually goes down. A woman is abused by her partner, and then she is blamed for continuing to be with him because those who have not walked in her shoes simply can not begin to fathom the multiple psychological factors involved in an abusive relationship.

I assure you that in a short blog post, I can not begin to do justice to this discussion. What I can tell you is that it is time for this nation to have a frank discussion about domestic violence. This happens more than most of us would like to admit. It is happening in teenage relationships, in adult relationships, in dating relationships, in co-habiting relationships and in marriages. It even happens in dissolved relationships where ex-partners have to see each other because of children they share.

If there is anything I can say today to stop the blaming of Rihanna, it is that a battered woman does not have the tools or perspective to leave the relationship. It takes a battered woman 7 attempts to leave, on average, before she is successful, if the man doesn't kill her in the meantime. There are elements involved in the syndrome of abuse that those who are not abused or trained in domestic violence do not understand. The perpetrator is a very skilled and manipulative person. He has control of the victim. It takes time to set the trap. When the victim tries to leave, he has ways of manipulating her back into the relationship, using all means necessary, including threats, emotional blackmail, you name it. Abusers are highly skilled at making their victims believe they caused the abuse.

To add to the unbearable burden on the victim, the court of public opinion fuels the fire by heaping blame and shame on the victim as well. Saying things like, "Well if she's going to return to him, then she deserves it," or, "If she's that stupid then she gets what she deserves, I don't feel sorry for her," are not helpful in this dialogue.

It is painfully difficult to watch a loved one or a friend entangled in an abusive relationship. It is easy to tire of hearing of it, to become less and less supportive as the person returns over and over for more abuse. The reason it is so difficult to take and so easy to tire is that we are not in it. We are not under the psychological control of the abuser. We can see his sickness, but the victim is sick with him. It takes very special friends and family to stick by the victim until she has had enough and is strong enough and ready to walk away for good. It takes even stronger friends and family to continue to say positive things and coach the victim away from the abuser by building her up, rather than tearing her down and blaming her.

Rihanna needs support. Fame, money and all the best in the world will do nothing for her if she doesn't see how sick her relationship is and she doesn't believe she deserves better than Chris Brown because Chris Brown is incapable of loving her.

Chris Brown needs help, and may be beyond it. None of his comments mean a thing, and if we give any of the things he has to say any credence, we are just as sick as a nation as Rihanna is as his girlfriend. Nothing he could have to say repairs what he's done to her and he has not done the work that would take years to rehabilitate himself into a being that is worthy of reconsideration. Oh, that Rihanna may be ready to take the trash out.

Rihanna is a symbol of the many women in our lives who are living the same shame behind the closed doors of their homes and cars when they leave our homes or our places of employment and go home in fear. They do not have the ability to treat themselves kindly because of the illness that has them entagled and enmeshed. The least we can do is be kind to them until they find the strength and ability to be kind to themselves.

Let us all remember and be grateful...but for the grace of God go I.

Everybody Needs A Coach

2009-02-27T22:05:00.002-06:00

There are all sorts of coaches in life. Sometimes we all need someone to force us to see past our excuses and surprise ourselves.

Stella Is 10 Months Old This Week

2009-02-24T20:41:00.002-06:00

My niece is such a cutie and so smart. Here is her latest photo. My sister said she's all smiley and laughing, and then the minute you turn the camera on her, she gives this look. We call it the Children of the Corn look. Oh well, it's still sweet.

Stella blows kisses and mimics our hand gestures, waving bye bye and hello, even the princess wave, and she clicks her tongue and makes all sorts of noises. My dad even has her talking like Donald Duck...no kidding. She doesn't use words, just the noises in that voice. I don't know how she figured out how he was making that voice with his throat, but she does it. She loves bling, so Aunt Dana is going to have to set her up with some necklaces and bracelets as soon as she can handle wearing them.

It is such a joy to have a beautiful and healthy little peanut in our lives. I love getting to spend time with her and I especially love holding her. What a blessing she is!

You Know How I Love Flowers...

2009-02-24T20:33:00.004-06:00

SP brought me the most gorgeous bouquet of roses this weekend. He brings me some really beautiful flowers quite often, and he mixes them up so they're always different. I always love the orange ones he brings, and of course I love red. They're all beautiful. These ones take the cake. If there were a contest, SP has topped himself. They're in my dining room on the credenza now. I keep moving them from room to room as I move so I can be with them and look at them.

I'm serious.

I will try to get another picture as they open because this picture doesn't do them justice. They're a very pale pink with white and very pale green mixed in. They are exactly what I'd want if I had a garden lined with roses. Exactly!

I had to share. Gratitude. It's the little things that add beauty to our lives...

How's Your Vision Board?

2009-02-24T20:07:00.004-06:00

I have a vision board that I put up in my home office probably a year ago. I was a little careless with it and didn't pay attention to it every day. Lately, I've made it a point to pause there in the morning instead of rushing right by. I take in the images and imagine the life I have coming to me and how wonderful it will be.

Have you tried this wonderful manifesting technique in your life yet? You can make a vision board out of anything. It can be a notebook with different goals on each page and then images that correspond to the goals. It can be a board, literally, like the one I've put together, where I've created a collage of some of the things I'm manifesting. It can be a video that you create for yourself, like a movie, enacting what life would be like if you had the things you're manifesting already.

You can continually add to it, you can remove items that you've already masterfully manifested. You can update it as your goals change and as you grow.

The point of the vision board is to hold your visions, goals and dreams every day for at least a few moments. View your vision board every day and let yourself step into it, as if the things you've posted are already in your life. It can be a powerful tool in aiding you at holding your visions and stepping into alignment with them.

Enjoy it! Do it with your kids. You can even make a family vision board together on the frig.

Need A Little Inspiration To Keep You Going?

2009-02-23T18:58:00.003-06:00

Finding Your Purpose -- Attracting Your Bliss

2009-02-07T08:55:00.004-06:00

This week I've been listening to Thomas Leonard's 28 Laws of Attraction while driving around instead of hearing the same songs looped endlessly over and over. The principle that inspired me has to do with doing the work that is most in alignment with our values. I have been beating this drum in my manifestation maps and journaling quite a bit lately. I keep writing that I want to manifest work that is an expression of my values.

So...what the heck does that mean, and how is it related to living your life's purpose? You know...that big question we all ask: What am I here to do?

I am always reading and taking in my fellow coaches and experts' writings on similar topics, and I happened across Vanessa Venos' blog, Musings from a Life Coach. I read some of her archived posts to see what her site is all about and, low and behold, I found the perfect quote about life purpose to use.

"If you asked a honey bee what it's purpose in life is, it would say it is to make honey for the colony. However, we know that a bee's life contributes a whole lot more to our world than just busily making honey. By doing its daily work, the honey bee in fact goes around and pollinates all the flowers and plants which results in new life for our planet. So just like in our lives, we may not realize what our big purpose in life is, by doing what we're passionate about, and by doing it well, with focus and determination, we may just affect a whole bigger purpose in our lives."

Honey bees, I'm pretty sure, don't think much about their values. I'm sure they also don't think much about their purpose. However, it is for the same reason that they don't think about these things but effortlessly fulfill their life's destiny. Honey bees follow their instincts and just do it, like the Nike ad says. We humans, on the other hand, think too much about it and get all kinked up about the rational reasons behind our activities, the shoulds, the financial aspects of our choices, the what will people thinks, you name it. That is precisely why this excercise may work to help realign you with your purpose.

Now, values are not things you need. Things you need are survival type things that you have to have day in and day out to keep going, to work, to live where you live, to stay healthy, etc. Values are a step further than that. They are things you want, things that do more for you than allow you to survive. They can propel you toward your life's purpose and create real passion and joy in your life in the day to day.

Take a nifty list of values (one can be found here) and read through them, underlining or circling those that speak most to you as you read and re-read them, narrowing them down to maybe a solid five or so values. These are the things in life that are most important to you. You may not know what they are right off hand, but in using the list, you may find that you are moved in some way by some of the values listed. Even if you skip over one thinking, "No, that's too fun, too good to be true, I can't have that," that one could be one of your top values. You may want to go back and circle it. Once you narrow it down to 3-6 solid values, take out a sheet of paper and draw a line down the center all the way. Now write your values on the left hand side of your paper.

Now, on the right side of the sheet, without regard to the values you have listed, write down your most sought after goals. Write down the long-term ones and the short-term ones. Go ahead, even the ones that nobody else knows about.

When you have your list of goals and your list of values, take a pencil and make a line from each goal to the value that it is expressing. Do this until you've lined them all up. If you have a goal that doesn't have a value that matches, that's ok, this is the purpose of this exercise. When you find a goal that doesn't line up with your values, you can use the opportunity to evaluate whether that goal is really one of your goals or just a should or another set of values imposed on you by your family, spouse, boss, or someone other than yourself. From there, you may want to re-evaluate why that goal is on your list. You may be able to rework the goal to better express your values, or you may want to replace the goal with something more expressive of the values you have identified that are important to you.

Once you have completed this exercise, you may want to re-write your values and goals on a clean, pretty sheet of paper or in a nice journal for easy reference and updating, without the scribbles and reminants of other people's values and goals or expectations of you left under the eraser stubble. Read it again, think about what it would feel like right now to be living those goals and expressing your values every day. Then go and do something fun that makes you feel good today.

In-House Life Coach?

2009-02-03T19:29:00.012-06:00

Ok...I am in the middle of this manifestation exercise. I'm working on manifesting a new job. Yes, I've put resumes out. I'm going to link to it (on my webpage), too. So...to start off, here is my resume. Just click the link, and then click Dana's Resume on the right, and it'll open for you. My resume is floating around for legal and non-legal jobs. I am open to remaining in the legal profession and I'm open to exploring life beyond the legal profession as well.

Feel free to call and ask me more about my objectives if you know of something that is potentially a good fit. Or feel free to email me or, heck, post it here.

I was thinking, wouldn't it be neat if there were such a thing as an in-house coach? I think companies like SCJ in Racine have folks who serve this function for them in-house. I only think so because a barista at Starbucks on Hwy 20 told me that one day while waiting for my coffee. Imagine if businesses had coaches to find out the real skinny on what their employees' true strengths are and what they really want to do in life, so that they could get the most productivity out of their workers by giving them the right opportunities to shine and the right carrots for their efforts. I think it would make a world of difference in this cookie cutter employment world.

I saw a job posting for a company that does this type of thing...that's their entire business model. They travel globally and they send "experts" that work for their company who are trained in ways to make workforces more profitable, productive, etc. They analyze the workforce and engage the people within a client business. From there, they consult the business on what they can do to create more profitability with their workers. I would love to apply for that job, but it requires a move every 18-24 months, and the move might be to Uganda. Maybe if I was 20. I'm not 20 anymore. Oh...and they wanted people with at least 8 years out of school. So they want 35 year olds who never want to have a family, basically. Scrap that.

Life coaches in the workplace would serve employers as much as employees in that the company would be in the business of placing the right talent in the right position within the organization. I firmly believe that most employees want to do a good job and want to use their genuine talents. If management could find an effective way to match talent with staffing needs through coaching, it would benefit everyone involved.

I know a woman who is at the top of her game at a Fortune 500 insurance company. She is management, and a lawyer, and she is amazing. She's been a wonderful mentor for me along the way. One of the things she has taught me is that my coaching fits in with my legal profession. She prides herself on being a talent spotter of sorts, and takes pride in keeping her eye on people until she can find the right place for them. I guess you could call her a matchmaker, but in the career sense.

I find that employees and employers aren't always honest with one another. It can be a maze of code speak in two different languages. I remember the first week, month, months of my jobs when bosses would ask, "So...how do you like your new job?!" Um...who answers that honestly?

I recently read one executive banker's blog entry about how she took the advice from someone to interview all new hires after one month and get all of their observations about what seems odd, weird or out of place in the office or workplace, whether it has to do with systems, hardware, people or how the furniture is arranged. She actually takes criticism of new hires. Wow. I used to tell my new employers better ways to do things, but I quickly learned that didn't get me very far. To think there are bosses out there who listen and take what they can from it. We live in a world where the experienced folks think that they're the only ones who have anything to offer. They don't realize that sometimes fresh eyes and new ways of thinking can actually improve things for everyone involved. If I can find the posting again, I'll come back and link to it. The author said that management often misses a window of opportunity to see things through fresh eyes, when instead they ask the new hire how things are going and the new hire inevitably says, "Grrrrreat! I love it!" Most new hires don't know they have any other option if they want to keep their new job.

I digress. That was simply one example of how employees and employers can really have a huge wall up between them in terms of communication and expectations. Wouldn't it be nice if an honest dialogue could be had instead of speaking different languages and pretending to understand each other?

Well, either way, whether there is a job titled "in-house life coach" or not, I have decided that I want to be your go-to life coach for businesses and employees alike, alongside my entrepreneurial client base.

Groundhog Day Hibernation or Awakening?

2009-02-02T18:26:00.004-06:00

You've seen the movie, haven't you? Bill Murray, Andie MacDowell...the main character is a news reporter covering Groundhog Day in Punxatawny, PA for the umpteenth year in a row. He gets stuck in a time warp of sorts, living the same day over and over, waking up to Sonny and Cher day after day, and eventually committing suicide so many times that he begins to think nothing matters and there is no way out. He explains that he's living the same day over and over to Rita, and she changes his out look by telling him that it doesn't have to be awful.

Suddenly, Phil begins to use each repeated day to get a leap on the next repeat. He learns the lessons he can learn and takes new talents into each day new day. He begins to realize that it's less about what he gets out of his day and more about what he gives each day, and that people remember more how he made them feel than anything else.

The movie Groundhog Day is a metaphor for the hibernation of the spirit, and the presence of personality or ego or self, and what happens when we realize that life is not about our personality or our self, but about others and how our spirit connects with and touches the other spirits around us. It's a choice that Phil is finally presented with. He can either continue to be with himself and hate every mundane repeat, or he can connect with others and find himself in the process.

Don't you sometimes feel like you wake up to the same day over and over? It's Monday!!! The alarm goes off, you pour your cup of coffee, eat a bowl of cereal, shower, don't even really care what clothes you put on, rush out the door and get through the work day only to repeat the process all over again tomorrow, with barely enough time in between to reflect and connect with yourself, much less others around you.

It is a universal principle that the present is perfect. In the law of attraction, every single thing in your life is there because you attracted it through your actions and your thoughts. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. If your days are exactly the same over and over, ask yourself why that is the case. What are you focusing on? What thoughts are you choosing? What is your self-talk? How do you value yourself?

Are you stuck in a pattern of complaining about the same things day in and day out? Do you fear that you couldn't do better if you chose something different to do with your days? If you are focusing on what you lack or the parts of what you have in your life that you hate, then you are a match for those things you don't want. When you transform your self-talk and your thoughts and you begin to focus on what you want and the positive things in your life, your vibration will be lifted and you will align with your desires, manifesting them much more quickly and changing your life in no time.

When you stand in appreciation for what is in your life every day, and you practice self-care in appreciating yourself and providing for your own needs, and when you are able to focus on your goals as if they are already accomplished, you are well on your way to leaving your personality behind and bringing your spirit forward to guide you. The inspired action that follows will astound you, much like it did with Phil Connors.

Give it a try. Make a list of what you appreciate about your day to day. Write on it all the good things in your life. Also write all the things you bring to the table every day, even the things that are not being utilized. Then make a list of what you want in your life. Go crazy. You can focus it on one goal or generalize it across all areas of your life. When you've listed what you want, write a bit about what it would feel like if you had it right now. Experience that. Let it sink in. Feel it as if you do have what you want already. Finally, when you've had some time to let it soak in, ask yourself what feels like the best thing for you to do next. It won't always have anything to do with your goals or wants that you just listed, and that's ok. It shouldn't be a should sort of thing. It should be something you feel inspired to do or something you that would make you feel good right now. This is more about raising your vibration to allow synchronicity to find you, and to invite what you want into your life. You're much more attractive to the things you want when you are vibrating higher energy as well as self-appreciation.

Try to do this for yourself as often as you can, every day if possible, and see how it makes a difference. Challenge this to see if it transforms you from the hibernating groundhog to the awakened one...from repeating the same Monday, to experiencing life more deeply every day.

Setting Your Intentions With Confidence

2009-01-31T00:21:00.002-06:00

It's a brand new year. Doesn't it feel liberating to start fresh, with a brand new calendar, a brand new twelve months to fill with experiences, memories and lessons? Do you remember that feeling when you were in school and the academic year began? Did you get excited to use new notebooks and folders and pens? Wasn't it encouraging to know you had a fresh slate in the grade book and you could have As if you made that your goal for the year?

Now that we live in the grown up world, we don't start our year in August or September. Instead, the New Year means we have a somewhat fresh slate. The New Year is when we clean out closets, figuratively and literally. We buy totes to store and organize things. We take down the holiday decorations and clean under the furniture. At the New Year, don't you get excited at the thought of setting new goals?

At this time of year, most of us have made some resolutions and begun trying to achieve something, whether it be fitness or weight loss, financial fitness, getting debt-free, completing a degree, starting a business, launching an e-zine, writing that novel, or what have you. Making a resolution is another way of setting an intention for the year. If you want to lose 20 pounds in 2009, you resolve to do so. Is will power what makes the difference?

Setting your intentions can become an important part of starting your New Year, your month, your week, even every day. You may want to start with baby steps, deciding to have a positive day before you get out of bed in the morning. You may decide that you want to set intentions on various levels, thinking both short-term and long-term, and making small and large goals.

Intentions are a little different than goals. How are they different? An intention is an underlying energy that propels you forward and inspires you to take actions consistent with it. Once you decide on an intention and commit to setting it, if you begin to live as if you are in perfect alignment with it, as if the end result is already in your life as you see it, your actions will effortlessly line up with the intention and you will see coincidences and circumstances lining up to meet your intentions.

Will setting your intentions take care of the results? Not exactly, but when you begin to feel and use the energy resulting from the intention, and you align yourself to accept the circumstances and follow the coincidences where they want to take you, you will begin to see your goals unfold.

How does this play out in real life? Well, say you set your intention to leave your job in 2009. This is your resolution. You meditate on it, you think positively about it and you decide that for the good of all involved, this is what you desire in this new year. Will that simply result in a change in your job status? Probably not, though you may simply lose your job if you aren't careful. As we all know, we must be careful what we wish for.

Nonetheless, if your intention is to leave your job this year, you probably also have set an intention to do something else specific. If you haven't, your next step may be to get very clear about what it will look like to leave this job. What will you do to replace that job, income, time, and activity? What do you want to be doing? Ask yourself very specific questions. This applies to any intention you may set. What does the end result look like? Envision it, write it out, talk about it to friends.

Once you have defined what it looks like, begin to take inspired actions toward your goal. You may say to yourself, "What does an inspired action look like?" You know what I'm talking about. You've had moments when you are inspired to do something and, in those moments, you are in the zone. You seem to effortlessly and easily complete the task. You know exactly what to do without thinking too much about it or having to ask others about it. The end result is usually some of your best work or most fun and it often results in making some sort of shifts in your world, whether you meet a new connection that is integral to your goal or gain recognition for your hard work, or reap rewards that propel you closer to your goal. You know you are taking inspired action and that you are in alignment with your intention when you are smiling, eager to do something and you can't help but share it with people.

Have you experienced this kind of inspiration? Think back and recall how it helped you to reach a goal that was important to you and that made you happy. Better yet, think forward to the goals you have in mind for this year. Take some quiet time for yourself and define exactly what they look like to you, in a perfect world, in the end. Share your vision with your friends and loved ones. Accept their goodwill and help, if it is in alignment with your intentions. Listen to your gut and take inspired actions to reach the end zone.

Intention setting serves not just the purpose of plotting a roadmap to your success, however you define it, but it also serves to energize and supercharge your engine so that you can speed in the fast lane along the journey to your dreams.

Velveteen Rabbit Complex

2009-01-28T20:44:00.004-06:00

I had a lightbulb moment yesterday. I'm not sure what triggered it, but I think I might have been reading an article on children's books or literature when I free associated that one of my favorite childhood books is "The Velveteen Rabbit" by Margery Williams. I thought of the lovely tale for a moment, the emotions it evokes, the lessons it teaches.

It's noble to love something or someone who is terribly flawed and ugly. That is what the book is about, right? The kid in the book loves the toy rabbit until he wears its fur off, its eye comes loose, and its stitches begin to come apart. When everyone else can't understand what he sees in the rabbit, he insists that he loves his snuggly friend and doesn't see its flaws. Then, when he loves the rabbit just enough, his toy friend magically comes to life, becomes real, and the boy's loyal love is rewarded.

Wait a minute!

Ok, those are nice sentiments. I do believe in unconditional love. I am very forgiving of the flaws in others, particularly those I love. However, there are serious flaws in the delivery of this message to children, if it is not taught in such a way so that a child can understand that they do not have to accept things that are unacceptable.

In no way does the Velveteen Rabbit appear to have traits that are offensive or objectionable. Ms. Williams nicely illustrates that we should love our loved ones, warts and all. This is a warm and fuzzy message, but I worry that children are very impressionable and do not have the ability to discriminate and sort the acceptable flaws when weighed against the qualities and value the loved one brings to a relationship from the unacceptable deal breakers that render someone inappropriate and damaging to their lives. Children do not have the ability to set boundaries. Adults have to guide children and serve as examples, sometimes setting boundaries for children until they can do so themselves.

How many women, in particular, grow up somehow misinterpreting this childhood parable and applying it to dating and intimate relationships to their detriment? Don't all of you know someone (or haven't you been someone) who continued seeing someone or living with someone or sharing their life with someone who they might have thought was like the Velveteen Rabbit, when really they were more like a parasite who needed to be cut out with a knife so that the wound could be treated with strong antibiotic ointment? Why do those women (and men...I'm sure there are men who think they can love someone to life as well) refuse to break off the relationship with someone who clearly displays several deal-breaker behaviors and unbecoming characteristics? Do they believe that if they just love the flawed man enough, even though his fur might be worn off and his seams may be bursting, he might come to life and love them back?

SP calls this "broken wing syndrome." On one of our early dates, we actually drove by the local jail because it was on our way home from the restaurant we visited. To his dismay, there were young women standing outside the jail sending messages in a secret code to men who were in the jail and could see them through the jailhouse windows to the street below. SP wanted to know what they were doing. I explained that I have observed it many times and what is happening, is that these girls are communicating with their boyfriends. They are having relationships with men who are in jail and either convicted of or accused of crimes. He joked about how good I had it and what low standards had been set, regretting having taken me to dinner when he could have simply flashed his cell phone light at me out a jailhouse window.

Obviously, this is an extreme example. There are other extreme examples, such as women who are physically abused by men they are involved with, or women who are with men who abuse their children. I know that we are all aware of the more subtle examples of being with someone who dehumanizes you, who devalues you, who simply doesn't have the capacity to love you in return.

All of those are examples of situations where loving someone loyally and hoping that more and more doting and affection will make them love you back is futile.

I subscribe to the belief that most people are good by nature. However, I have learned through experiences like the ones described that good boundaries are necessary in relationships, and establishing dealbreakers and qualities that are essential in friendships and relationships of all kinds is crucial to our well-being.

Are you wasting your affections, time, love, and life on someone who is undeserving or unable to reciprocate? Rather than dwell on that, have you considered that you are in charge of who you choose to spend your time with? Have you considered getting very clear about what kinds of people you want to fill your life with? When people truly serve your life by being good friends, amazing mates and supportive family members, it is easy to love them "unconditionally". It is also necessary to give our loved ones some slack when they are inherently good, but have human flaws just like we do.

When is it time to toss that toy or friend away? Is it ok to declutter and get rid of things that don't serve you or lift you up? Love is something that should be joyous, not painful. That's not to say that everything should be roses all the time, of course. It's a balancing test. Only you can decide whether to toss the rabbit or love him to life.

You Always Get What You Want

2009-01-23T23:29:00.004-06:00

Ever been told, "Be careful what you wish for?" I preach this, and I tell my clients that they have to carefully set their intentions, align themselves with their goals by their actions and emotions, and then take inspired steps forward and the Universe will deliver those things that you have asked for.

Ever wished for something and truly been aligned with it, and then had friends kind of tell you that it isn't such a good idea to do what you have in mind, that maybe you should wait, or had some other voice in your head that made you pause instead of doing what you intended to do? Ever have it happen anyway, but not in the way you thought it would? Ever had it happen as if you set your intention, made up your mind and, even though you backpedaled, voila, there it is, like it or not!?

I think I've mentioned here before that what we focus on gets bigger. When we set our intentions, the Universe listens. If we are aligned with the intention we set, even if we find some way to slink out of it, the Universe knows we want the desired result and we are too chicken shit to actually pull the trigger, so it coordinates the circumstances in a synchronistic way so that we get the desired result, even if we have to have a bop in the head.

Do be careful what you wish for, but do know that all is well and you will be provided for. Be in alignment with the circumstances that the Universe presents to you, because they are answers to your intentions and you may not see the big picture, but you are exactly where you are supposed to be, learning the lessons you are supposed to be learning, and the present is perfect.

Trust me. You have everything you ever wished for, and it is working out exactly as it should. Call me if you don't believe me. We'll have coffee and we'll talk.

Watching the Petals Open

2009-01-20T19:59:00.003-06:00

SP rang in the New Year, in part, by bringing me these beautiful red and white roses. They lasted forever...more than two weeks. This picture was taken on the 11th, and they were still gorgeous. We had a romantic New Year at home.

My modem died the first week of the year and I just finally got someone to replace it today. Time Warner Cable in Racine took forever, and they were at my house forever, too. I nearly missed the swearing in of Obama as they tried to fix my network problems. Alas, I'm back and ready to post in 2009.

If those roses are any indication of how the year is going to go, I am looking forward to watching each petal bloom and open.

Integrity Is a Two-Way Street

2008-12-30T22:56:00.000-06:00

We all know The Golden Rule, don't we? "Do unto others as you would have done to you. " We learned this from our upbringings, in church, or at school.

If any of you are like me, I'm always worried about how I'm treating other people and how what I do affects them. I tend to obsess a little about whether what I said upset someone or whether what I think I might want to do might be seen by others. I always want to do things the right way and have my personal integrity intact at the end of the day.

It's important to keep our own integrity in dealing with others, but it is also important to maintain our dignity in allowing others to deal with us.

Have you ever dealt with a person or group of people who repeatedly demonstrate that they do not care how their actions impact your life? Have you failed to realize it, and continued to deal with them day in and day out all while keeping their feelings and lives in mind when you do things that might affect them? Or do you know that they don't treat you with dignity and integrity, but yet you continue to consent to their treatment every day, telling yourself that you have to keep the relationship or situation going?

The next time you find yourself wanting to take an action on your own behalf, in your own best interest, and asking yourself five thousand questions about whether you're going about it the right way or whether you're going to hurt someone's feelings or whether you're going to leave someone holding the bag or be thought of as inconsiderate, also evaluate the very people who you are so concerned with. How do they treat you on a daily basis? Do they treat your interests with care? Do they go to bat for you? Do they have your back? If the chips are down and they have to act in their own best interest, are they going to think of you first?

Part of extreme self-care, a concept that is at the core of manifesting a life for yourself that is authentic and enjoyable, is to make sure that those with whom you deal on a daily basis treat you with integrity as well. If they do not, then they are not serving you. Surround yourself with people in all areas of your life who are serving the greater good for your life and everyone else concerned. Fill your life with people and things that serve you.

It's the end of the year. For many, it is the time of year to take inventory. Who are you spending your time with? Who are you working for? Who are your friends?

One of the absolute most useful things I ever read, a pivotal moment for me, was that you should take inventory of every area of your life...your material possessions including books and decorations and clothing, your car, etc, and your job, your business, your friends, your significant other, whatever it is you have to take inventory of, and ask yourself one question: Is it a reflection of the life you want for yourself right now? Does it represent who you are today? If it does not, if it represents something you do not stand for or if it is from your past but doesn't serve a useful purpose today by helping to define who you are in real time, then you have a decision to make.

Food for thought as we ring out the old and ring in the new.

Didn't Billy Crystal say something similar when he went to rescue Sally from the New Year's Eve party and tell her he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her? "All my life I don't know what this song (Auld Lang Syne) means. I mean, 'Should old aquaintance be forgot? Does that mean that we should forget old aquaintances, or does it mean if we happen to forget them, we should remember them, which is not possible because we already forgot?"

It's the time of year for leaving the past behind us and starting anew, with what matters to us on this day.

On Receiving Gifts

2008-12-23T20:04:00.003-06:00

I receive a daily inspiration from www.tut.com. It's usually a law of attraction sort of message that inspires me to purposefully choose my thoughts, because thoughts become things...as in, what you focus on gets bigger.

Today the inspiration instructed me to receive well...to receive in a way that is open and happy to be receiving, delighting in letting my loved ones be the givers, so that they can fully experience the joy of giving during this season, which is all about giving.

In theory, most of us go shopping for our loved ones or make things for them so that we can see their eyes light up on Christmas, surprised with a special thing we are thoughtfully giving to them. When I had more time, I was better at this. It seems that most of us get so busy that we end up doing the last-minute shopping spree and saying to ourselves, "Well, this will do," or we simply put cash or gift cards in envelopes hoping our family members will find that special joy on their own.

Have you ever had a year when you had all the time in the world to shop for that special person and you really had a great idea in mind...or you just took great care in picking out every single gift? And have you ever had the experience of watching the person open their gift that you so carefully chose for them, just knowing that they'd be overjoyed that you put so much thought into their gift, only to have them not react at all or, even worse, react in a negative way by not liking what you gave them or by acting in an ungrateful way despite your thoughtfulness?

Do you know that person in your family or group who nobody wants to buy for because they dont' like anything anyone ever gives them? Are you that person? Nothing is ever the right size, color, quality, price, or name brand?

What is the purpose of all this giving anyway? If we are just wrapping up random stuff to give to random people, then what's the point?

When someone gives you a gift, how do you receive it? Are you happy that they thought of you? Can you see where they were coming from in choosing the gift they gave to you? Are you open to the lovely things that your loved ones want to lavish upon you? Do you shy away from receiving or ask that you not be given gifts? Do you say, "Oh, you didn't have to give me a gift!"?

See what happens this year when you give the gift of receiving thankfully and graciously. Appreciate the thought and the effort that went into the gifts you receive. In this economy, appreciate the money that went into the gifts that you receive. Give your spouse, your boyfriend or girlfriend, your sister, brother, friend and parents the gift of joy in watching you light up while you open the gift they are going to give you.

As for where the law of attraction comes into this...any time you stand in appreciation, in the place of love and joy with what and who you have in your life, you open yourself up to the Universe and invite more of what you want into your life. You create manifestation equity.

Stand in the space of the love that you are when you give and, more importantly, when you receive this year and always. Allow the person who is giving to you to stand in the place of the love that they are as well. When it all comes down to it, that's what really matters on Christmas, and in life.

Joy and abundance to you.

Gool: On Time-Outs and Retreats

2008-12-22T21:35:00.007-06:00

I was driving home today and explaining to my sister on the phone that I have this very messy case and it occurred to me that I've had one messy project after another for months. I must have had ten of them in December, and it's nearly Christmas. This particular legal dealing has a due date of January 1st. Statutorily, that means January 2nd, but I've just had enough lately. It's Christmas, I want a break. I was trying to finish it all up to take some down time, and then I realized it's more involved than I thought, so tomorrow I'll be working more. I also told her I was going to have to stop at a few stores to finish my Christmas shopping tonight, now that I have to keep working tomorrow, and then I'll need to wrap gifts, fill cards, clean the house, do laundry and prepare for the holiday. I said to Heather, "I want to shout out, "Gool!""

Remember when we were kids and we played tag? Somehow there is a kid-language that includes words like "gool," which means that you are in a safe zone and can not be tagged "it." Evidently, this term is mostly used in our region of the country, Wisconsin, Illinois and Minnesota. You learn something new every day. All I know is, if the term is not recognized universally, it should be, and it should be in adult vernacular.

For those of you from out of the region, let me explain the concept. I think you get it from the basic definition I've already laid out, but for clarification's sake, gool is a time-out from the game of tag, or any other pursuit game. Mostly, you tag a designated object with your body and call "gool" and you can not be tagged "it" and made to pursue your playmates. You get a little rest. Sometimes you can sit at gool as long as you want. There are some limitations in some games wherein kids will limit gool time and start counting down if you sit on gool too long. I can't believe I remember this...mostly, my uncles called gool when I played with them.

How many of you work in an environment where it feels like a "tag, you're it" assignment structure? Do you sometimes feel like things land on your lap that you didn't plan for, that you may have even been avoiding because you were too busy and already racing the clock? Where I work, it is often the case that if you touch something, it becomes yours, even if you didn't want it.

This probably applies in many areas of life. We get volunteered for things and somehow we find ourselves wondering why we're up at 11 p.m. after the kids have gone to bed making cupcakes for a school activity, or creating a spreadsheet for the board meeting for the golf club when there is also something urgent due at work.

We all have to learn to balance our lives and say no to things when it is in our best interest. It takes practice, and sometimes when it's your job, you can't say no as easily as you otherwise would. Balance in life is up to each person and we each define for ourselves what it looks like. For me, it looks like not having to feverishly research and write legal pleadings that make or break my client's interest right in the middle of Christmas and New Year's. Sometimes, those we are playing cat and mouse with know that strategically, this is exactly the right time to gang up. For me, the answer was seeking out the advice and help of more experienced friends who can save me from reinventing the wheel and help me reach "gool" a lot sooner.

I really do wish I could call "gool" until the New Year. One of the things that I religiously do when I find myself doing too much, especially when I don't have the luxury of saying no even though I want to be a college kid with "winter break" again, is to practice extreme self-care. When you can't actually take a time-out or go on a retreat for days or weeks at a time, you can create little rituals for yourself that give you mini-retreats and allow you snippets of gool time.

It's up to you what you do to care for yourself. What makes you feel recharged, pampered, taken care of? Is it a hot bubble bath, a cup of tea, ten minutes of meditation, writing an entry in your journal, taking five minutes out to write down the five things you're grateful for today, cooking a gourmet meal, having a glass of wine, sitting in the morning sun and reading the paper, jogging after work? What helps you go that extra mile when all you want to do is move to the coast of Portugal and change your name?

Balance and peace for the New Year! If you need some help meeting those resolutions or defining areas where you could use more balance, self-care and gool time, feel free to contact me for a consultation. As a life coach, I help individuals prioritize and balance their lives in ways that work best for their goals.

Tag, you're it!

Darn v. Dang: Preferences in Pseudo-Profanities

2008-12-16T19:52:00.005-06:00

I was thinking about it today after reading someone else's post on an odd topic and reading the word, "dang" used instead of "darn," that there are people who use one or the other, but usually not both, unless it's poking fun at the other group.

Darn is defined as a "minced oath," a pseudo-profanity, or an expletive-deletive. It is an expression based on profanity but altered to remove or reduce the objectionable characteristics of the original expression. So...that means it is a derivative of "damn." I would venture to guess, then, that "dang" is yet another offshot of damn.

You know the type of expression. You probably use them all the time. I can say I do from time to time, and my favorite is probably a derivative of the F word. These expressions include words like friggin, frick, heck, shoot, effen, blooming, golly, dagnabit, and the list goes on and on.

I suppose I could write a whole series of entries about the various expressions, their origins, the folks who use the various expressions, what regions of the country or world use them, and then I could even add those that are used in different languages. I could also then saunter into a George Carlin-esque rememberance of the seven words you used to not be able to say on television, and the four that are probably still on that list, at least on network stations.

I don't want to do that today. I'm just noting a thought I had and a question I have for you. Did you ever notice which people use "darn" and which people use "dang"? Just sayin'.

A Happy Birthday to Rod Blagojevich, Atta Boy!

2008-12-10T19:59:00.006-06:00

"Kinda smells like Nixon and Watergate." - Blago, December 8, 2008. How prophetic.

I couldn't let today pass without an acknowledgement to the "worst person in the world," as Keith Olbermann would say. Yes, yes, it's Roddy's birthday today. Too bad the FBI couldn't hold off just one more day. I guess Rod's birthday present came early this year.

Happy 52nd. I read the complaint and affidavit. Nice going. Oh, by the way, everyone knew you were crooked. That's why you were being TAPPED...did you know that?!

http://llnw.static.cbslocal.com/station/national/docs/2008/12/complaintcoverandaff.pdf

I don't know about all of you, but I've seen politicians resign when it has been found out that they were unfaithful to their wives. This behavior is a disgrace to the state of Illinois and is a disgrace to the United States. It is certainly unbecoming of a governor in this country. He deserves due process, but he should resign.

Marquette Run!

2008-12-10T19:08:00.009-06:00

Anyone who is from the Milwaukee area knows that for four years, the Wisconsin Department of Transportation engaged in the Marquette Interchange Project, the largest construction project in state history. For those of you from out of town or out of the state, that means they tore down a cloverleaf-type, high rise interchange in downtown Milwaukee and redesigned and rebuilt it, piece by piece, constantly changing routes and eliminating exits overnight, so that people were utterly confused for years. They finished under budget and early, opening it for traffic on August 19, 2008.

The previous interchange cost $33 Million and was dedicated on December 23, 1968. It was an architectural landmark.

This year, for just $813 Million, we have a brand new, state of the art toboggan run.

Is anyone with me? On dry, warm days the thing is intimidating. The WiDot wanted to eliminate "confusion" of having exits on the left and the right lanes, so they designed it with all exits to the right. To do this, they had to create some pretty "creative" exits that are marked at speeds of 40mph or less, with extreme curves to the left on high, narrow ramps that are akin to rollercoasters or toboggan runs. They are concrete ramps and they look much like the runs you see in the video. The engineers who designed them must be physics enthusiasts. I bet they also brought you roller coaster rides and the toboggan run at the Great Wall of China.

I typically avoid the interchange now, because for four years I avoided it due to construction and constant ramp eliminations. I was tired of trying to figure out how to get to work or get home. Now I avoid it because it's frightening. And who said it had to be that high? And another question...who had the bright idea of creating the entrance lanes so close to the exit ONLY lane that ends feet from where we MUST merge into rush hour traffic, as we sit on the ledge hoping not to be bumped by a road rager to a plummetting and fiery death. I always wondered what it might be like during a snow or ice storm.

Well, today I found out. We had 4-7" of snow yesterday and WiDot did a FANTASTIC job of cleaning up, not. I had to drive to Green Bay, leaving my house at 7 a.m. and returning to the city by 2:30. The roads were still icy and patched with snow and slush. Granted, it was cold, but Mark Baden said that if you didn't clean up last night, you were going to have a hell of a time getting the ice up today, and he was right.

I came down I 43 South and had to exit onto 794 East. Seems simple. It used to be that you stayed in the left lane, and it was a little scary and winding and reminded you a little of the industrial images of LaVerne and Shirley, but it was ok and you were immediately in the Jackson/VanBuren lanes and ready to roll into downtown. Not anymore. Now you exit to the right, and then see a huge ascending ramp ahead of you marked 40 mph, and constant curve arrows with yellow cautions and concrete everywhere, except you can also see over the edge and there is inevitably some complete egomaniac behind you who doesn't understand that the center of gravity on an Xterra is very high and they can not take the curve at higher than the suggested speed without rolling. In fact, today on the ice, I had to take it at 35 mph or I feared an agonizing, suicidal death.

I can't say much more, other than it was not a fun ride like the video you see. It was scary shit. I don't know if WiDot wanted to add more entertainment for the commute or increase public jobs by creating a greater need for emergency crews, but I have to compliment them on the brilliant thrill ride called the New Marquette Interchange.

Try it sometime. Why pay for Six Flags when this is free?

Post Published to Momz.com

2008-12-09T20:50:00.001-06:00

This afternoon I received an email from Kathy at www.momz.com who made a comment on my blogpost for December 8 and let me know she was posting my tribute to my mom on her website. I don't know Kathy, but I'm going to be checking the site out a little more now that I'm home and have a little time.

Here's the link: http://www.momz.com/moms/more/

There is a very nice blurb about my tribute and then a link back here. It made my day that someone other than my sister read it, and that someone other than my family members would be moved by the post. Very cool. Thanks, Kathy.

Tribute to My Unsung Hero

2008-12-08T09:09:00.000-06:00

My mom is turning 49. Yep, she's young. As most moms experience, she hasn't had that much in the way of awards or celebrations of her life accomplishments, because while she's had various "outside the home jobs" in her life, she's mostly focused her attention and passion on her "inside the home" jobs, of which there have been many evolutions.

I was born a month after my mom's 16th birthday. She found out she was pregnant with me when she had pneumonia in the spring of her 15th year, in ninth grade. She had been dating my dad, who was newly in the Navy, for a couple of years. He had recently turned 18. They had a very difficult series of decisions to make early in life. My mom tells me that the nurses and doctors at the hospital tried to talk my grandmother into persuading my mother into an abortion. My grandmother even considered it. However, my mother tells me she never had a second of doubt that she had been given a gift. In fact, she said that her pastor came to see her in the hospital because she had pneumonia. He didn't know she was pregnant. She asked him a question, "Reverend, if God gives you a gift and you reject it, will he be angry with you?"

Reverend Humphreys was the perfect life coach that day. He facilitated my mother's answer to her own question by asking her very powerful questions. He explained to her that she already knew in her heart what the answer was, and that she would do what was right for her and for her family. She said, "Yes, I do know, and these people want me to reject God's gift, and I don't want to. I love Dennis and I love any baby I have with him."

My mom gained 42 pounds before I was born, she says, all over. I guess she retained a lot of water. At 16, it came off instantly when I was born. She went home in her pre-pregancy blue jeans. When my mom went into labor, she had been up having fun all night and eating all sorts of things. She didn't know she was in labor when she had a stomach ache, and just thought she overdid it with the junk food. My grandmother had to tell her she was in labor. She said that initially she was scared, because the older women who were in the labor and delivery area on the same corridor were moaning and screaming and swearing at their husbands. They wouldn't let my dad in the room because my parents were not married yet and she was a minor. Her doctor told her if she just followed his directions, it would be over soon and she'd be fine, that it wasn't that bad. I was born with relative ease one day before my dad's 19th birthday.

One month later, my mother was a 16 year old bride, marrying my dad before the same Reverend who had counseled her several months earlier. They married in late February, and it snowed 21 inches that day. The photographer didn't show up, so they only have a few bad quality snapshots from family members. They only had punch and cake in the basement of the church, and my mom wore the gown of my dad's great-aunt who also made their cake. My mom was on pain meds during the ceremony, because her 12 year old sister had accidentally spilled all the pins on the floor while the bridal party was getting ready, and my mom stepped on a needle that broke off in her foot. She had emergency surgery to remove the needle and was advised to walk down the isle on crutches. Instead, her older brother half carried her down the isle. That's why she looks so dreamy in her wedding photos. I asked my mom why she looked sad in her wedding picture once when I was little, and she said, "I was stoned out of my mind! Your father was basically carrying me on the dance floor." More than 300 people showed up for my parents' simple wedding, despite the blizzard. I guess I was at the wedding for a little while. On the way to the motel that my grandmother rented for my parents (because they lived with my grandma at the time and didn't want to spend their wedding night down the hall from in-laws) they witnessed a fatal car accident and my dad got out of the car in his dress Navy blues and helped, giving his jacket as a blanket to someone who was in shock. My mom describes her wedding day as a disaster but my parents are still happily married 33 years later.

During those early years, my mom worked as a bartender and waitress during the hours that my dad was home from his factory job so they didn't have to pay for child care. She also went to school during the day, trying to complete high school, and my grandmother and aunts took care of me while she attended classes. We lived in a couple of apartments, including one that had only a rickety fire escape-type stairway to the living area over a store.

My mom had her second baby, my sister, almost four years later. At which time my father had a great job, but was terminated illegally for leaving to attend my sister's birth. The health insurance was cancelled and many of the hospital bills were left unpaid. Three months after my sister was born, I was hit by a car and severely injured. The driver had no insurance. My parents' home owner's policy refused coverage because it was an occupant who was injured on the premise. With no health insurance and medical bills that were mounting and impossible to repay, and with two small children to feed, a mortgage for their first house that they just moved into, and two car payments for vehicles they had recently purchased, my parents were left with no recourse but bankruptcy.

As a result of the bankruptcy, unlike what happens today, my parents had absolutely no credit, no credit cards, no lines of credit, no home equity loans, no car loans, nothing, for years. They kept their house and one car, but for most of my childhood they had to pay cash for everything, including cars. As you can imagine, being that they were in their 20s, we drove around in a few real bombs, and my mom used layaway to buy us school clothes and Christmas presents every year. I used to complain that we could only shop at certain stores, or that I couldn't have a certain name brand of jeans, or that our truck had 8 colors on its different panels and backfired. When my mom said I couldn't have something, she didn't just say no, because I was a lawyer already at birth. So she would pull out her checkbook and show me the balance. She'd say, "See, I have $126.42 for the month, and I still have to buy groceries. So you tell me, Professor Boyle, how you can have that. If you can find a way, you can have it."

My mom sacrificed for what she believed in. She believed that her children should be raised by her, with her values and discipline, and not by a daycare or someone else. She valued being home if we sick, or when we got home from school, or during the holidays and summers. She valued having a meal ready for us and for our dad when we came home. She valued keeping a nice, clean and comfortable home. My mom was home most of the time, when I was little, and she cleaned every single day, cooked meals virtually every day, and even baked treats for us and decorated our house like a wonderland. Her sacrifices were many so that she could do that for us.

She never graduated from high school, because it was so hard to study and work and take care of a newborn and then another child later. Instead, she earned her GED right before I graduated from high school. She never went to college. Instead, she received various certifications over the years in interior design as well as manicure and pedicure technologist. My mom is extremely talented in most things artistic. She has an eye for detail. She knows how to put things together in a way that most people couldn't begin to. She is brilliant at home interior design, garden design, floral design, painting, ceramics, faux finishes, sewing, crafts, you name it. She doesn't have a degree in any of the above. She taught herself by making a nice home for our family and by making gifts for others. She didn't have much of a social life in her teens and twenties. She didn't go to prom. She didn't date much, but I guess she found her prince charming early. She was very lucky that way. She didn't go to wild parties in her twenties or climb a ladder on the career path. She made her own priorities.

My favorite time of the year was always just before Christmas. We still had school, so she would haul all of the decorations out of the basement and attic and transform our house into a life-sized gingerbread house while we were gone. We would come home from school and there were lights everywhere. Not a nook went untrimmed. Even the bathroom had Santa Claus hand towels and our bedrooms had our very own little trees in them. She'd bake dozens of cookie and candy recipes. We had a real assortment of sweets, decadent fudge that she and my dad made together, candycane cookies with crushed real candycanes on top, buckeyes, candy kiss cookies, cut out sugar cookies, spritz, biscotti, you name it. There were stacks of tins in the closet with cookies and candy galore, and she let us eat nearly as much as we wanted. It was glorious! Plus, we knew that Christmas was coming, and even though Santa Claus somehow had the same exact handwriting and wrapping paper as Mom, we knew he'd go way overboard buying us every little thing that we hinted we wanted all year, plus a few things even we didn't think of and Mom would be tickled watching us open every single package on Christmas morning.

As we got mid-way through grade school, my mom started an at-home based business so that she could contribute to the family financially and fulfill her creative ambitions, while still being at home for her children and for her husband. Our house was still immaculately cleaned and even more nicely decorated because her business was in interior design. She still had time to make dinner and make sure we did our homework before she went off "to work" in the evenings. She would leave for a few hours after dinner to go help other women decorate their homes.

It was through this home-based job that we got our first brand new car again, when I was 14. I was so excited to have a new vehicle that was all one color, rust free, and didn't make any loud noises. It smelled good and it had enough seats for everyone, and I could actually have my mom drop me off right in front of the school instead of a block away. I had my own cup holder and heat vent and my own bench seat, all to myself. It was a minivan.

Ninth grade dance was a power struggle between my mother and I. You see, when my mom was in ninth grade, she was pregnant with me. She didn't celebrate the end of freshman year with a formal dance. Instead, she was kicked out of her regular middle school, the same middle school I attended in ninth grade, and was sent to an "alternative school" for wayward children. Back then, they treated pregnant girls like they had a communicable disease. She wasn't allowed back. In fact, her guidance counselor used to make goofy comments about how proud she was of me, in light of my birth story. I used to tell her it was quite nice of her, what with how she treated my mother like a plague. When it came time for me to go to the dance, my mom didn't think it was important and she thought the dresses were too expensive. Dad convinced her to let me go, and I know she was happy, in the end, that I did because those pictures are some of her favorites of me and they are still on display in her house.

I was a stressed out kid. I put a lot of pressure on myself to excel in school. I did well at most things I tried, but I was always worried about my grades. At times, my mom would wonder why I was so stressed out because she'd notice I was grouchy or emotional about homework or projects. One time she came to school without telling me. She went to talk to my guidance counselor about why I might be so stressed. The guidance counselor had no idea, so after my mom left, she called me down for a meeting and asked me some open-ended questions. She told me my mom had been there and was concerned that I was under way too much pressure in school, and that maybe the load was too heavy. I never told my mom, but it meant a lot to me that she noticed that I was struggling with the high standards I'd placed upon myself and she took the time to drive to the school and make an appointment with the counselor to find out what could be done to help me relax more. I had a mom who noticed and cared when something was wrong.

When I went off to college, my mom protested my choice, because it required me to take out loans to attend and, I think, because it was 700 miles away in Washington, D.C. But it was my first choice, my only choice, and once I had something in my mind, I was doing it. My sister told me that my mom used to go sit in my room on my bed and cry after I left. My dad took me to school, the van loaded up to the brim with dormotory items. When my dad left, we had orientation. Then came the loan papers. I hadn't realized exactly how tight my chest would get when I read the promissory note. I also hadn't realized what the check would cover, or, would not cover, rather. Turns out I would only have money for the meal plan, dorm and tuition, and nothing else. I didn't have enough to cover books. I didn't have enough for soap or hairspray or toothpaste. I was beside myself with anxiety and called home bawling the very first day. The school informed me that my parents were responsible for $8,000, per my FAFSA calculations. Ha! That meant I had to find $8,000 after taking out $7,500 in loans, over and above my grants. My mom, instead of saying I told you so, calmed me down and assured me it'd be ok, and took down a list of what I needed and then promptly sent me a check for books and a care package of the items I listed. She also said I might need to get a job, which I did the very next day. She kept sending those packages and $50 checks here and there, all throughout college.

In law school, my mom still sent care packages. I called her to ask whether I should go to the doctor for this or that, how to make homemade noodles like my grandma always made, and whether $29.94 was too much to pay for my first full sized artificial Christmas tree. LOL! Ah, those were the days. My parents drove down for the graduation from law school, all 1,009 miles to New Orleans and my mother surprised the heck out of me. Despite the heat and humidity, the traffic and the slow service at restaurants, she loved the city. She caught the charm of New Orleans instantly. She had been there about half an hour when it hit her that she was in a very cool and historic place. She loved the antique stores, the quaint shops, the live music everywhere, the Spanish moss, the gardens and courtyards, and the friendly people. She even went to Pat O'Briens for a drink. I was blown away because I figured she'd hate it. She still talks about that trip, and she was devastated when Katrina hit and flooded the city beyond recognition.

When I bought my first house, my mom was there tearing out lanolium that had dog crap all over it, stripping and polishing hardwood floors, priming and painting walls, sewing curtains, picking out appliances, turning over flower beds, and even unpacking my boxes, because I was in Montreal studying abroad, and then I had to start right back in class as soon as I returned. I used to secretly resent it that when I would have people over, she'd take them on tours of my house and point out that she did this and that. As I've matured from 25 to just about 33, I realize that had my mom simply allowed me to buy the absolute dump I bought without taking the bull by the horns and putting in hundreds of sweat equity hours on my behalf, I could have never done it without her and I'd still be living in a condemnable dump. My mom is physically stronger than I've ever been. She can dig holes and lift bricks and move furniture and manage to get wallpaper off or rip up flooring that I just can't seem to do on my own. I've tried things, becoming frustrated, saying, "Dad's just going to have to do this. It's too heavy," only to have her take the shovel from me and say, "Here, let me do it." And boy, she gets it done even if she is only 5'1".

My sister and I always joke that the Army ad is for my mom. You know the ad that says, "We do more before 9 a.m. than you do on an average day"? By 9 a.m., my mom has mopped floors, done three loads of laundry, polished the chandeliers, weeded her flower beds, watered the lawn, done the grocery shopping and three other errands, and has sewn a new table cloth to boot. And, her neighbors make fun of her because she's in a cute outfit with complete make-up and jewelry while doing it all. Her house is like Martha Stewart's, only cleaner. There have been people who have actually critcised my mother for how much care she gives to her home, our home, and to making meals and keeping an enviable garden, etc. I've realized that those people are just jealous because even if they were retired at 25 years old, they could not keep up with her or out-do what she does to make our world beautiful.

She may be a task-master, but she's got a heart of gold and she'll give you the shirt off her back if she knows you need it more than she does. She always wants to help people who don't know how to plant a flower, cook a dish, hang a swag, hem pants or get the ugliest wallpaper you've ever seen off their walls. If you give her a bag full of discarded items and tell her that's all you have to decorate your house, she'll make it look better than you could have imagined if you had a $10,000 budget. She can work wonders with paint and few swatches of fabric. She's the queen of mixing antiques. She's got an eye for beauty.

Not only was she always there for us. She was always there for my dad. Some wives are out with girlfriends after work and not home when their husbands get home. Some wives wear sweatpants all day long and don't bother to put on make-up or do their hair. Some wives badmouth their husbands, and complain all day long about them to their friends. Some wives pick up carry-out every night or, even worse, grab something for themselves to eat and don't even think of making a meal for the family, or for a husband who has worked hard all day. Granted, some wives are out of the house 40 or more hours per week too, and they have less time to do things for their spouses.

My mother gets excited when my father comes home. If I'm on the phone with her when he pulls up, she always interrupts me and says, "Oh, I have to go, your dad is home. I'm going to get dinner ready here and talk to him." If you're there with her when he is about to come home, she goes into the bathroom and touches up her make-up, fluffs her hair, puffs on a spray of perfume, and then starts dinner. She's always waiting with a kiss when he gets home. They always eat together. She puts a lot of thought and planning into the meals she makes. I'm sure they're mostly down to a science now. When I was a kid I noticed she did things special for him. "Your dad likes his coffee black." "I make eggs over easy for your dad." "Take a breast or a wing, your dad likes the dark meat." "I made the extra spicy one for your dad." And in the morning, she always makes sure she has coffee and a banana for him, because for whatever reason, he won't go to work without a banana. He loves bananas, I guess.

Some people say that the women who forego careers to be stay-at-home mothers and wives do themselves a disservice because they are unhappy with life. My mother has always seemed to prove this wrong. She takes great pride in her homemaking and she does it with love. Her rewards are not a six figure salary or a pension or a promotion or the corner office or a plaque to hang on the wall three years straight. But I think that she finds her rewards in a 33 year and going strong marriage with her best friend who she still learns things about as the years go by, and two grown daughters who have made her proud with college, graduate school, careers and now her first grandchild who takes up grandma's days. Her newest contribution is taking care of Stella, her first granddaughter, while my sister works.

I think my mom can find rewards in knowing that she raised her kids right and that her kids have done things that she didn't get to do. She can be proud that she is regarded by all who know her for her talents. Her neighbors and friends and family members have come to admire and appreciate her wisdom in all things domestic, and they envy how well her children turned out. We constantly hear from aunts and uncles how they hope their kids turn out as well as Debby's kids did.

I've thought of starting a business that is somewhat Martha Stewart-esque, decorating, cooking, gardening, doing all things domestic and teaching other women to do it. However, every time I think of it, I stop and think that I would be a fraud. I feel like a fraud when I consider a lifestyle and home business because I know that I'm not half as talented, experienced or good at it as my mother is, and I know that I learned every ounce of what I do know from her. What I didn't learn from her, I inherited in talent, and I know she'd run circles around me if she had the same business. We've told her that for years.

Recently, I've thought I should celebrate what I know how to do in the home even if I do feel like a fraud, because in doing so, I'm celebrating the gifts my mother gave me and the knowledge she passed down, many of which have been the best skills and lessons I've had to learn from. Demonstrating my cooking, decorating and gardening skills would only be a tribute to my mom. I wouldn't know a lick of it had she not been home all my life making life beatiful and delicious and sharing it with me. It reminds me of a question a 15 year old girl once asked a preacher while sitting in a hospital bed scared to death, "If God gives you a gift and you reject it, will he be angry with you?"

My mother is a gift, and my sister and my father and I have been blessed in many ways having her in our lives. I try to think of what to give her for her birthday, and I just can't ever come up with anything that is fitting enough. I hope this tribute is a good start.

I love you, Mom. Happy Birthday! Enjoy the last year of your forties, hot stuff. ;)

Pups in Snow

2008-12-04T21:14:00.003-06:00

My dogs love snow. Just as I look out the window in the morning and dread shoveling, salting, scraping off the car, waiting for it to warm up, and my nose running all the while, as soon as I open the door to let my dogs out, this is what they do. I tried to capture Laney and how she gallops through the snow. I can't tell if she doesn't want her feet to get cold or if she just LOVES the snow. Luther will all out roll in the snow, as if he's making snow angels...as you can see from the above results.

They make me smile when it snows, even if not much else does. I have to say that snow is beautiful as it comes down, and as it makes everything in nature look fresh and clean. And snow is fun for dogs and kids. I can't wait to see Stella build a snowman, but for now, these are my little snowbugs.

Special Interest Spin-Off

2008-12-04T20:54:00.002-06:00

I've already created a second blog. Oh, I'll continue both. This one is for thoughts on any subject, and related to my coaching practice from time to time. The new one is dedicated to cooking and eating, two of my favorite activities.

I called it Confessions Over the Sink. Check it out if you have interest in food or cooking. I'll be sharing some recipes, some kitchen feats and flops, some reviews of restaurants and products, and other related topics.

The Person in Personal Service

2008-12-03T17:52:00.006-06:00

As I mentioned, I've been fighting off a cold. Last night I decided that if I still had a sore throat and sinus issues this morning, I'd call the doctor. However, my general practitioner went out on disability a couple of years ago. He had been working with Multiple Sclerosis for a few years and it became too difficult for him to continue practicing medicine. For the past couple of years, a younger associate had been hired to handle his practice. Long story short, the young associate has taken a new position, and the practice has not found a new associate to take over.

This morning, I called my doctor's office without knowing who might see me. I knew I would not get a prescription called in, because whoever it might be would not have seen me in a long time, if ever. I was anticipating meeting a new physician. The usual staff answered and informed me that my doctor is back in the office handling the morning shift, and I could come in today.

Bruce is a the kind of doctor that has been very personable over the years. When he first started out, I was one of his first patients at only 14 years old. He's actually quite a high strung, tightly wound, task-master, (let's just say he has a type A personality), but he is genuine, dedicated, and sharp. Despite the clashes between my type A, his type A and my mother's type A over the years, somehow we've become friends who respect one another. I think the one big blow up we once had over the phone led to an understanding. I have to say, I've been prone to stress and its affects in my life, and I can be quite outspoken. Bruce once told me, "Listen, you are like your mom quite a bit, and that's good. Don't let anyone change that. It's that fire that got you where you are in life and it'll get you where you're going. It's not a bad thing." I think he spoke from experience, but that comment was one of those pivotal moments in life when I was very young, just starting out my life.

I was very sad to find out that he left the practice due to his illness, and that he would not be returning. I kept in touch with his wife, who manages his office and is very sweet, so I knew how he'd been doing and what he'd been up to. It just wasn't the same to come to the office and not give him a little shit. I had come to enjoy quite generous treatment over the years, being invited into the kitchen for coffee and donuts and standing in the sample closet as he asked what else I needed in my allergy goodie bag.

This morning, when I arrived in the office, I walked back with the nurse and passed Bruce, and I said, "Which room?" I chose the room, and he said, "Dana, do you know a good divorce lawyer?" as he peered at his wife. I mentioned that I used to practice family law. He replied, "Well, between my wife and I, whose case would you take?" I quipped, "Well, I know your wife and I'd take her case!" His retort, "Oh, really? Well, then you're going to love what I have in store for you today!" We chit chatted while doing the mundane stuff, listening to my breathing, looking into my eyes and ears with the light he uses, never realizing the nurse hadn't even taken a temp or blood pressure because we'd begun chatting immediately. When he asked whether I could give a "sample" I said I'd need something to drink. He waved me back into the kitchen, got me a coffee cup out of the cupboard and we were right back to the old days, with him offering me a cookie his in-law made as I added cream to my cup. By that time, he realized that his nurse might need to run a couple of routine tests and get some vitals, so the examination continued.

He asked me about my job, about what I want to do with my life, about my sister and my parents and my boyfriend. He asked why I'm not married yet, and I offered him SP's number. ;) We talked about the future of health care, the cost of health care, and the reasons why the costs are increasing. We talked about how much money he thought I should be making. In the meantime, he took a few other calls, left to talk to other patients, and while he did all of that I overheard two other very special pieces:

1) He took a call from a specialist who had phoned to give him bad news about another patient he's had for years. He was saddened that he'd have to call her and let her know the diagnosis just before the holidays, and he mentioned how hard the call would be to his wife. 2) He kept asking his wife whether she'd called to follow up on a little girl who had been very sick, because he wanted to make sure she was improving or offer follow-up care if she was still sick or getting worse. I must have heard him say at least three times, "Did you find out about the little girl? How is she doing? I want to know if she's improving. It's important."

When he returned to the exam room I sat in, reading my copy of Entrepreneur Magazine, he yelled across the hall, "Should we give Miss Boyle a shot in the rump since she took my wife's side?" He wrote up a script for antibiotics for my bacterial sinus infection, as well as some hopped up cough syrup to get rid of my hacking cough, congestion and sore throat. Then he walked me down the hall, joking and jabbing, until we reached the reception area, exchanged holiday well wishes, and continued on with our days.

I wonder how many people are fortunate enough to have folks in their lives who serve them this well, as if they're family. I wonder how different the world would be if every business was able to give that kind of value-added service, with a personal touch, to every repeat customer. It takes time to develop those kinds of solid business relationships, but over time it becomes difficult to separate the business from the friendship.

I was happy to see Bruce back in the office today. It was comforting for me, as a patient, but it was touching as a friend who hasn't seen him practice in a couple of years. He's a little thinner, but he's still got that fire that got him everywhere he's been in his life.

Contrast - the Unboring

2008-12-02T19:18:00.006-06:00

I peruse several blogs. I'm new to blogging, so I figure I can use some exposure to what other folks are blogging about, what "experts" have to say, and what people are talking about. I was reading a certain blog's Thanksgiving entry, and the author said that she was going to talk about something other than being thankful for her family, because that is boring. In fact, she said that other people were going to blog about their families and loved ones, and that's tired and boring.

It's been ruminating for a few days. That, and I've had a cold. I got sick last Wednesday evening, and I thought it was just an allergy issue, but it's a cold. So I've not posted in a few days, which has given me more time to think about what to say about why blogging about being thankful for your family is or is not boring or tired.

Boring, by definition, can mean tedious, repititious, dull, tiresome or annoying. I suppose that for her, she could have meant that it's very repititious or routine to say "I'm so thankful for my family; they're great." I suppose that if one does so in a routine and repititious way, or if one's family is great in a routine and repititious way, or if one's family has been so great and has been so adored for so long without interruption by any other sort of experience, then it may actually be boring to be grateful for a wonderful and healthy family, and to blog about it.

This is where contrast comes in. Ah ha! And, actually, I guess I'll come back around to this, but, one can in fact invite contrast into one's life by treating the current state of things as boring, or as contrast.

What do I mean by contrast? Contrast is an experience that tells you this is not what you want. It is an experience that you don't enjoy or don't prefer, or that you suffer through. It helps you to understand and define for yourself what you truly do want in your life and what it is important to you.

For example, I am getting over a cold. I have been relatively healthy for two years, amazingly, but I got caught off guard at a wedding reception recently and wham-o, I got the cold of the person sitting next to me chatting and laughing at dinner. Being sick for a week has reminded me how nice it is to be without a sore throat, without a stuffy nose or sore sinuses, without an annoying cough or the need for massive quantities of Puff's Plus and sparkling mineral water. Most of all, it's reminded me how nice it is to breathe through both nostrils when I sleep, and how nice it is to sleep through the night.

Contrast can be many things to many people. It could be a job you are unmotivated to do every day. It could be a relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend who just isn't very nice. Perhaps it could be living in a house that has no driveway and having to find a spot on the street and carry your groceries for three blocks in the cold. It could be not having enough money to pay your bills at the beginning of the month.

What purpose does contrast serve in your life? It is actually quite useful. First, it helps us to define very clearly what we do not like or do not want to feel, what it is that we are feeling or experiencing in the moment. If we use contrast to our advantage, the second step is that it helps us to become very clear about what we do want to feel, or what you do want in our lives or in a particular circumstance. Once we become clear about what we do want, if we use our new wish list to think very creative, very inspired thoughts about what we want, we will begin to see those things evolve into our lives. When we are focused on the things that we want, and we take inspired action to create them, they will come to us and the contrast will have served a wonderful purpose toward self-discovery in our lives. Remember, what you focus on gets bigger, always.

How on earth does this tie into the subject of boring blogs on being thankful for a wonderful family? Why would someone blog about that, when it is so boring? Why would someone think it is boring?

I blogged about how thankful I am for my sweetheart, SP, because I have experienced the contrast in relationships. I have dated other people in my life, and most of them had some good and some not so good traits, like most of us do. However, I have experienced what it is like to be in a truly miserable relationship. I have used the experience of that contrast as a tool, specifically, using steps one, two, three and four above to get to where I am now. I am very clear about what I want based on that experience, and I used the clarity of my desire to creatively and intuitively inspire myself into the actions necessary to find what I was looking for. I have created a desired circumstance based on contrast. That is why I am so overjoyed with the result and why I so deeply appreciate the person I found along the journey.

Blogging about family or loved ones is not boring when it is done with the intention of love and gratitude, knowing the blessing that we have been given.

Perhaps the person who thought it might be boring to read another blog about how grateful someone is for their loved ones has never experienced the contrast of so-called loved ones who aren't so lovable or lovely. Maybe some people don't have to experience that to appreciate their families, but I suspect those who think gushy family acknowledgements are boring must have always had it pretty good. For that, they should be very thankful.

Giving is a State of Mind

2008-12-02T19:10:00.001-06:00

‘Tis the season for giving. Most of us are blessed so that we are able to give each year to those less fortunate than ourselves. We help a family who wouldn’t otherwise have a holiday meal; we donate money to a charity we admire; we volunteer our time at a shelter or to a project that will help others; we put our spare change into the bucket as the volunteer rings the bell at the grocery store; each of us shares our generosity in our own way. Nothing seems to help us find the spirit of the holiday season quite like reaching into our own depths to help others less fortunate than us.

Since it is approaching the season of Christmas, and since Christmas is a Christian holiday centered around Jesus, I will dare to enter the realm of scripture for a moment, if only to explore the Christian perspective of tithing, and Biblical teachings on the subject. Now, I am no preacher, and I am not ordained or trained in theology. However, I profess to be a Christian, and I’ve evolved my sensibilities in that regard along the way. My two favorite scriptures on the subject are:

“Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.” Malachi 3:10

And Jesus’ only reference to tithing in the Bible:

“But woe to you Pharisees! For you tithe mint and rue and every herb, and neglect justice and the love of God. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others.” Luke 11:42

The first is God asking to be challenged by his children with their tithes, the only way in which God asks to be challenged, so that they give generously of their own harvest and so that He may multiply the blessings upon them in return. It is a simple promise made by God to man that those who give of their own stores for the benefit of others and for God’s work with faith in the Lord will see their generosity multiplied so much that they will not have planned for such blessing.

The second is Jesus protesting the elite by pointing out their hypocrisy. In the passage, Jesus calls out the practice of tithing as a potentially empty effort at appeasing God, without the requisite love for God and love for all of God’s creation. Jesus is not suggesting we forgo tithing. He is proclaiming that it does no good to tithe if our hearts are not in the right place, having reverence for God and all living things. If we give for the wrong reasons, the blessings of God will not come to us.

Giving is a building block in the manifestation of our desires. We should give from a place of generosity and faith that we will be provided for, that there is enough. We should give with our hearts brimming with reverence for all of those whose lives we touch and whose lives touch ours. How can we take these rather universal lessons and apply them to our lives in this season of giving and all year long?

God is most proud of us and is most able to utilize us for the greater good when we give without expecting anything in return. When we are generous with our gifts, talents and wealth, without need for recognition or like-kind favors, we summon the heavens and earth to shift and meet our desires. To some, tithing means giving ten percent of our income to the church - a very literal, Biblical translation. However, I am persuaded that God, even in the very Biblical lessons sited above, merely calls upon us to have faith that He will provide all that we need and most of what we want, and to give of ourselves for the good of all involved in our lives, families and communities.

So, what is your gift? What do you have to offer? What will your contribution be? How can God use you?

You never know what good will come of it, but in our generosity, when we love others as we love ourselves, all will be taken care of. This is important to remember when we are giving to our friends and family this season, when we are reaching deep within to give to those less fortunate than ourselves, and as we give of ourselves and our talents throughout our lives.

Deck the Halls, Already!

2008-11-26T18:27:00.006-06:00

I always decorate the house for Christmas the weekend of Thanksgiving. This year is no exception. I used a vacation day to deck the place out, including the outside lights. I started putting the tree together and stringing lights after work on Tuesday night. My dogs have always been well behaved when I get all the decorations out. I think they like them, and I think they know what comes next...they love to tear into presents, especially if they can smell rubber or treats inside. (Stay tuned for shots of Luther tearing up gift wrap like nobody's business and looking around for the next present.)

Luther has always loved to be the center of attention. He likes attention, petting, playing, being talked to. He has to be in the room I'm in. If I move, he follows. He's a herding dog. When I get into the holiday decorations there isn't much interaction with the dogs. At first he is excited to run up and down the stairs after me as I lug yet another box out of the basement and go through the contents in the living room. Eventually, though, he gets bored.

Luther is very expressive with his boredom. First he lays on his doggy bed with his head up, smiling, panting, waiting for a little love and hoping that the Christmas music means we're going to play soon. Within fifteen minutes, his head is on the bed, with the puppy dog eyes looking up at me as if to beg for some attention, or as if he feels he's being punished. After another fifteen minutes, he winds up on his side, sprawled completely out, as if he's died. His ear flops straight up like rigor mortis set in, and he lets out the most hilarious BIG SIGH as if to say, "Lord, take me now." It's the kind of thing we humans wish we could do at a boring meeting.

I captured him pretending to die on camera last night. These are the times I wish I had a video camera so you could get the full affect of the sigh, the eyes fixed and how long he stays in that position, as if he's threatening to actually die if you don't stop what you're doing and acknowledge him.

Luther is happy to announce that the halls are officially decked, and now we can dance.

Give Thanks for the One You Love

2008-11-26T09:30:00.010-06:00

Last night while I was talking to SP on the phone, he asked me to email him this picture of myself which I just gave him in printed form. I think he likes how my eyes look in it. It's a picture I took of myself for a slide show I made for SP, in an effort to show him that I absolutely love and appreciate all the little things he does for me, including the many, many bouquets of roses and daisies that he brings for me nearly every time I see him. Above is a sampling of some of the prettiest roses he's given me, mostly for no reason at all, other than to say he loves me.

Anyone who knows me already knows that I have been truly blessed with SP. He's more than I ever imagined I wanted. If there is a romantic lottery, I won it when I met him. I have told him that of all the couples I know, I have the best man in my life. He thinks I'm just buttering him up or laying it on thick. I actually mean it, because I know I'm very lucky to have him.

This time of year, especially, we should express gratitude for the loved ones who are in our lives. If we are fortunate enough to have a wonderful mate in our lives, giving thanks for them should come effortlessly. I only have a few minutes to write, so nothing I can write here can begin to do SP justice, but I'll give a sampling of the things I'm thankful for in him.

He's kind, above all things. He's gentle. He has a devilish sense of humor, even if some of his jokes will be useful well into his 70s. He's romantic. He's generous with everything he has to give. He opens every door, every time, not just for me, but for every lady. He's intelligent and thoughtful. He's hardworking. He knows how to build things and fix things with his hands. He's affectionate beyond measure and secure enough in his manhood to express his love. I'm probably making him blush, so I'll stop before I tell too many secrets. Just one last thing, the most important thing: SP has integrity, strength of character and a strong set of values that always lead him to do what is right. He's a prince and I'm so thankful that I found him.

I'm blessed with wonderful friends, a close and loving family, and an amazing man. What more could I want?

Who are you thankful for this Thanksgiving? What do they add to your life? Have you told them what they mean to you lately?

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving with the ones you love.

Thanksgiving in the American Tradition

2008-11-24T18:50:00.008-06:00

Continuing the discussion of gratitude, but this time from another angle, let us revisit Plymouth, 1621. Of the 102 colonists who had settled there, half had succumbed under the harsh first winter. Not knowing how to survive, Native Americans taught them how to grow corn and how to use alewives to fertilize other crops, such as pumpkin and beans. When the survivors made it through a harvest season with a good corn crop based on the lessons taught by their Native American friends, they celebrated with a three day feast, bringing a sampling of their crops and fowl to share with their neighbors, who supplied many more menu items including venison and lobster.

The colonists had come to the new world to find religious freedom and independence. They carried with them the values that are part of our heritage today. The strongest of those values being that anyone can make a good life for himself with hard work and determination, no matter where they came from.

Generations of immigrants in wave after wave arrived on America's shores for many years looking for the American Dream for themselves and their children. Meanwhile, over seas in 1800, after a two-year uprising, the Irish lost their fight for continued independence from England and the Act of Union was law, giving the British rule over Ireland. By that time, the Penal Laws enacted by the British against Catholicism in 1695 had resulted in a transformation from the British landlords owning ten percent of the land in Ireland, to 95% of the land in 1800. The British had made it illegal for Catholics to buy land, among other things, and 80% of the Irish population was Catholic at that time. By the time of the Catholic Emancipation in 1829, many Catholics no longer owned land and they were beyond poor. This resulted in systemic poverty and enslavement of the Irish, who had no other means to support themselves. Those who refused workhouses simply lived without provision, as 75% of the population was unemployed. A wave of early Irish immigrants embarked to the shores of the United States during the 1830s and 1840s.

Many absentee English landlords owned the majority of the land, collecting rents from afar. The Irish tenants worked the land for the absentee landlords, barely being paid a wage for their work. Most of them took a small portion of the land's crops to feed their families. This system resulted in a monoculture of the potato crop; the potato being the only crop that would grow in abundance enough to pay the landlord. However, between 1845 and 1852, the Young Irelander group rose up to repeal the Act of Union. During the uprising, the blight of the potato crop arrived. Dry rot and and curl, both fungi, began to eat away at the crop. It is widely believed today that the British pursued a policy of mass starvation of the Irish by perpetuating the blight of the potato crop toward two ends, 1) to replace the crops with grains for grazing purposes, which would yield more money for the landlords and 2) to eliminate the Irish culture which was viewed as being lazy, rebellious and backward.

Four million Irish died in the Great Famine. One million to one and a half million Irish emigrated out of the country, with approximately one million of those embarking on coffin ships to the shores of New York and Montreal. Of those who boarded ships, sponsored by the Dutch, the Quakers, the Choctaws and others, half died before reaching their destination. Half of the Irish population was wiped out, and few found a better life on new shores.

Arranmore Island(in the Rosses), Ireland had been particularly hard hit. The typical person was half-clothed, starving and living in complete, filthy squalor. The diet consisted of mostly water mixed with a bit of oatmeal that often contained bugs or worms, and seaweed. It was so deplorable in Arranmore in 1847, that the Quakers took up money to send two ships from Liverpool to bring peas, rice, meal and biscuits to all who were starving. It was the same Quaker Society of Friends who commissioned those two ships once again to embark to the new world with as many Arranmore Islanders as could fit aboard. Decendants of those sponsors owe a debt of gratitude, generations removed, to those who paid our ancestors' way across the sea. Today, the population on Arranmore Island is only 528, compared to 1150 in 1837.

It was on those coffin ships that my immigrant great-great-great-great grandparents headed for NY City with their adult children, and their many young granchildren. Many were sick aboard the ship, and the ship was turned away at NYC to be sent to Montreal. Upon arrival, many of my ancestors were quarantined due to cholera and typhoid. Some of their children did not make it. Some of them were separated from their family in quarantine, and those who were not quarantined were sent to Toronto to work. Eventually, they joined together and, by 1858, they had settled in Beaver Island, Michigan, with other relatives and Arranmore neighbors who had already arrived.

Three generations settled there together, fishing and farming, and two more generations were born there before my great-grandfather, who was a commercial fisherman, began a side job running liquor between Chicago and Canada. He would die a freakish cold death at age 57 on a frigid January morning when his vehicle went through the ice on Bay De Noc, off of Green Bay, Wisconsin, while checking his nets with a co-worker. His son had already met and married a woman in Wisconsin (with a very similar immigrant family story at the same time in history from the Austro-Hungarian Empire in Europe) and they had seven children. Their son, my father, married my mother (whose family has yet more layers of Dutch and Scots-Irish immigrant history dating back to 1609 in New York, as well as Native American roots) and they had two children.

My sister and I were born in the late 70s to teenage parents. Our father worked in a factory during the day and our mother was a waitress at night, so someone would always be home. When our father had a more secure income, our mother was at home, working a little bit here and there and making a wonderful home for us while our father worked twelve and fifteen hour days to provide for our family. There was never a doubt that we would graduate from high school and go to college. Our parents wanted us to do better than they had done. This is what their parents taught them.

It is by the blood and sweat of the immigrants who put their lives on the line, bringing infants who could barely make the trip, who would later be our great-great grandparents, who would instill in us the determination to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and make something of our circumstances that we are able to call ourselves American and free today. It is by their toil and tears that we have the opportunities that abound in our lives. They are why we are here. We are the manifestation of their dreams. We owe them a debt of thanks, a debt of patriotism, and a debt of obligation to future generations to educate them about history and never forget the sacrifice and struggle that brought us to today.

Let them all be a reminder to us on Thanksgiving, as we enjoy our feasts and our health and our opportunity to renew this nation's goodwill at home and abroad, as we witness what is happening in Darfur and the DR Congo, as we fight in Iraq and Afghanistan, and as we struggle with immigration laws that aim to prevent others from seeking the American Dream, what will our legacy be?

The American Dream has not expired. America is open for business. When you celebrate Thanksgiving this year, take a moment to reflect on how it is that you were born here, if you were. What is your ancestors' story? What was their dream? Are you living it?

As we navigate the toughest economic downturn of our lifetime, let us not forget the resolve of our great-great grandparents and those who came before them. What lessons can we take from their stories?

Practicing Gratitude

2008-11-24T13:07:00.005-06:00

It’s that time of year; the time to gather with our families and remember that we are thankful for our health, for having those we love in our lives, for our jobs, for our homes and the many blessings we have received throughout the year. Most of us believe that Thanksgiving was first celebrated on Plymouth Plantation in 1621, when Pilgrims and Native Americans came together with a bountiful feast of offerings to share the blessing of the harvest together, though it is well settled that the first Thanksgiving within what is now the continental United States took place in St. Augustine, Florida, September 8, 1565.

Plymouth or not, the purpose behind Thanksgiving has always been to take stock in our abundance in anticipation of the long winter. The principles behind Thanksgiving, celebration of abundance, sharing with our brethren of our stores, and counting our blessings, provide a purposeful roadmap through which we can practice gratitude in our lives every day. What role does gratitude play in our lives? How might we incorporate gratitude on a daily basis so that our consciousness will be in a state of appreciation and invitation of all the miracles that come into our lives every day?

Gratitude is the main foundation of manifesting our desires. Whether our persuasion is that of a religious or spiritual nature, or whether we are driven by the laws of the Universe, that which is greater than ourselves – whatever we call the greater power, delights when we show appreciation for the miracles of our lives, large or small. When we show gratitude, we prime the pump and reinforce the wishes we’ve made, the desires within us.

Think of a parent providing for a child. Every good and loving parent wants to give everything they can to their children. Even after all of the most basic needs are met, parents want to give their children all the things their little hearts desire. However, most parents find it easier to give to a child who appreciates what he has been given. When a child delights in a new toy and takes great care of it, expressing thanks for having received it, it is easier for a parent to give more and more, knowing that the child will appreciate each gift and put it to good use and care. In that way, the Universe is also like a parent. When we recognize the tiny miracles in our lives and show our appreciation for them one by one, the Universe delights in our pleasure, happiness and receptiveness and rains more of the same upon us.

What we focus on gets bigger, always. Just as our displeasure or frustration tends to breed, like on those bad days when we wish we had not gotten out of bed because everything we touch seems to fall apart, on the days when we express our happiness and gratitude for the pleasures in our lives, more and more comes our way. The process is akin to placing an order…only the Universe tweaks our order every time we express pleasure or displeasure. We have to be careful, because the Universe seems to only hear what we’re focusing on, not whether it is making us happy or not. It simply hears “more please,” every time we focus on something. Whether you realize it or not, we all have a running tally of gratitude with the Universe every single day. It’s just that some of us express our displeasure more easily. The key is focusing on the things that make our lives better every single day.

It would serve us all in ways we can not imagine, if we would simply keep a gratitude tally of our own, in a journal or mentally as we go to sleep at night, in prayer or meditation or however it is that we best focus. Instead of it being the time of year to express gratitude, we would certainly benefit from making every day Thanksgiving, sharing our gratitude openly and counting our blessings as a routine practice. By doing so, we would begin to notice an increase of miracles in our lives. Little by little, abundance and happiness would multiply.

How can you begin to harvest the bounty that life has given you? Think about today, even if it was a bad day. What are you thankful for today? What can you yield from your life’s abundance today?

I’ll go first. It snowed where I live today, not a lot…just enough to make a messy commute. I woke up to big, slowly falling snowflakes, the kind that are so big you can see the pattern of crystallization in each one…the kind we loved to catch on our tongues when we were kids. As I began to dread winter and shoveling and getting my shoes full of salt, slip, sliding to work, I paused for a moment in my oversized pajamas in my warm house, as the furnace kicked on and I stood there sipping my freshly brewed cup of coffee, kissing SP goodbye as he made his way to work 100 miles south, eating a slice of leftover pumpkin pie (breakfast of champions), slowly taking in the morning, and watching huge flakes paint a winter wonderland on the trees outside my window as my dogs romped through the new fallen white fluff with glee. When I left the house with my leftover turkey and stuffing, I cleaned my truck off with an extra large, long handled brush without getting any snow on my clothes, I got into my four wheel drive vehicle that had already warmed up, and I drove safely to work on my brand new tires and full tank of $1.80 per gallon gas. When I got to work, my boss was in London and I had left my desk fairly cleaned off on Friday. While I ate my lunch, my sister sent me pictures of my niece, who had just experienced her very first taste of pumpkin pie on my lap at Grandma’s house yesterday. Those are the little miracles of life. Sometimes we wish for bigger miracles and sometimes we get them, but I’ll take all those little pieces of happiness any day.

Hot Rods

2008-11-17T19:49:00.016-06:00

SP likes cars. That's an understatement, actually. He told me once he wanted to be an engineer for GM when he was a kid. When we met for our first date, I had no idea what he'd be driving because I'd never seen him in person before. When I asked him what kind of car he had, he said, "A Porsche." I was not expecting that at all, because he hadn't mentioned his love of cars prior to that, I don't think. Anyway, how do you mention your Porsche without coming across a certain way? He drove 80 miles to meet me in a blue 1989 Porsche 911/930. I knew nothing about them (and still mostly know nothing about them), but I do know that it's the first model of Porsche to sport a 5 speed manual transmission. When he got out of the car to meet me, amidst the stars that were circling my head after looking into his eyes for the first time, he said, "Don't get attached, I like to buy and sell cars. It's mostly finding cars and negotiating the price I enjoy." He had no idea I was more likely to be sucked in by those eyes than by the car, but I thought the car was a beauty too. On our second date, I asked if I could drive it and SP let me, much to my surprise and his, actually. He was a little blown away that I could drive a 5 speed manual without stalling it...even if I didn't drive it at 4,000 rpms all the way. He had to hold my hair because we had the top down, and I couldn't see the road. It was a very sexy, very fast, fun car. We had a lot of good times in that thing, and I miss it. SP said he wouldn't miss it when he sold it, but he does, and I told him he would.

The 1951 Chevy pick up is actually owned by SP's dad. The two of them have had many shared memories with cars and bikes, I've learned. The first time I saw the truck, I commented that I've always wanted one of those, to his dad's delight. I have. I always imagined myself living in some sort of secluded, old country farm house on the fringe of town and driving something like that in the summertime to run my errands. It's a stylin' truck! Again, I can't tell you all the specs on this baby, but I do know it features a 3 on the column transmission, which SP taught me to drive in the neighborhood in the spring. I think I got the hang of it after a few cycles, even if a cop did have to pass me and even if I did stall it once. SP and I watched the fireworks in the back of the pick-up with a couple of drinks and a blanket on the 4th of July. Now, if that ain't Americana, I don't know what is. They say women choose their vehicles based on how many cup holders they have in them. Let me tell you, this one has none, but what it lacks in cup holders and heated seats, it makes up for in charm and nostalgia.

Recently, SP and I drove for about an hour in a very modern car he drives for work to the middle of nowhere in Illinois, I think that's actually what the town was called, to see the 1959 El Camino you see SP modeling in 50 mph winds with. He joked that we probably looked like Vinny Gambini and Mona Lisa Vito from "My Cousin Vinny" driving through farm country in our modern car with our sunglasses and mochas, to look at a 1959 fixer upper. At least there was no Georgia mud to speak of, but the wind was insane that day. One of SP's fantasy cars is apparently an El Camino like this one, souped up and ready to race my brother-in-law's '68 Plymouth GTX. He couldn't stop telling me about the fins on the back of the car, and I didn't believe him that it would be a neat car, until we actually saw it in person. It's rough, and he didn't buy it even though they wanted $5K (I think) because it was probably more work than he was ready to commit to. This car is actually cool, I'll give him that, but I told him that if he ever wants to break up, he doesn't even have to tell me. He can just pull up in a late 1970s model El Camino, and I'll get the picture.

I'm sure there'll be more on cars as SP's adventures in hobby car hunting and driving continue. In the meantime, I'm enjoying the ride and the scenic view, even if I have to hold my mocha the whole way.

Guacamole for Curves

2008-11-16T13:26:00.004-06:00

I've always felt in heaven with a fresh bowl of guacamole, with or without the chips. In fact, I've uttered the words, "I could fill a bath tub with guacamole and bathe in it, chips optional." Well, Gillette must have someone on their creative team who feels the same way, or they've been tapping my house.

This blog is not created for the purpose of plugging products, but if I like something I'm going to tell you about it. Gillette Satin Care shave gel now comes in "Alluring Avocado." YUM! It smells heavenly, with a hint of aloe, jasmine and orange blossom...I could almost coat my entire body in it but, thank God, I don't have hair all over. I have to hand it to Gillette. They have created guacamole for curves, and I like it, A LOT! http://www.satincare.com/US/

It's like a condiment for your sexiness.

On the Cusp or on the Verge?

2008-11-14T22:49:00.001-06:00

This week we received a lot of calls about the proper (read: legal) way to terminate an employee. I also spoke with a friend of mine at an employee-side firm who wrote an article on the proper way to terminate an employee, and he told me that he just gave a seminar on the topic to a group of employers and that the seminar is in high demand.

The truth is, we are all at-will employees, for the most part, and can be fired for any reason, or no reason at all. In fact, sometimes it’s when the employer has a reason (that isn’t "cause") that they create an illegal situation. Many folks are losing their jobs simply because of downsizing due to considerations having to do with profitability.

The unemployment rate is currently 6.5%, up 1.7 percentage points from last year at this time. Banks have stopped lending; the big three auto corporations are going under; the stock market is tanking; we have given a blank check to Paulson for $780 billion and it seems there are no oversights to watch where and how it is being spent; we are in a recession. Soon we will have a new president who has a mess of monumental proportions to untangle us from.

I read an article in the National Law Journal dated October, 20, 2008, entitled "A Grim Verdict Awaits Law Grads" on the subject of the lack of jobs awaiting 2009 graduates. http://www.law.com/jsp/nlj/PubArticleNLJ.jsp?id=1202425360862. These students coming out with shiny new law degrees face few job prospects of the traditional sort. Student loans are in short supply with lenders holding onto bailout funds, which may prevent graduates from waiting the economy out in hiding in academia for another degree. More than ever, law students will be competing in 2009 for non-traditional legal jobs or non-legal jobs. In the past, it’s been considered flaky to drop your law pursuit to work outside the bar, but it may be where the class of 2009 cuts its teeth.

It occurred to me that if J.D.s are going to have to compete for non-J.D. jobs, there may be lots of mixing and mingling of resumes for various positions on all levels. I'm positive it's not just the legal profession that is seeing some shrinkage. So, if the new kids can do it, why can’t you? Now may be the best time to take the leap into the field you wish you would have chosen before you embarked on the path you are currently walking. The sad and stressful state of the economy may actually be an opportunity for us all to redefine for ourselves what our priorities and values are, and what transferrable skills and personal talents we have to offer in a variety of areas we never imagined. Yes, we may be able to make lemonade out of this sour and sticky situation.

So...what is it that you secretly want to do while you sit at that desk or work in that station day after day? What do you want your work-life to look like? Envision where you work, who you work with, and what you do all day in your dream job. Examine those questions. Now may be the perfect time to jump into the pool of diverse applicants from all levels of education and backgrounds and make your case for a new adventure.

I’ve recently thought life coaching services are a luxury item and folks would be dropping off due to the economy. What I’ve come to believe is that life coaching is a necessity, more than anything, in this economy. Co-creative thinking and motivation will be required more than at any other time in recent history for those who are unemployed or underemployed to find the right fit in this economy. Life coaches can help with brainstorming, helping to get you unstuck from limiting thoughts and beliefs about yourself, goal setting and accountability in reaching goals. You’d be amazed how well two heads can work better than one at helping you step out of your own way.